Cowtown & Coolage

THE LAST POST OF C&C

2010-01-06T00:47:00.006-06:00

I'm afraid I've lied to you. I have abandoned this blog.
However, I have not abandoned blogging.

Read all about it HERE.

I'd just like to say 3 things VERY QUICKLY...

2009-08-28T07:16:00.002-05:00

...

1. No. I have not abandoned this blog.

2. I have finally finished Season 5 of Lost.

And 3. My next post will be titled something along the lines of "THE TOP 10 REASONS WHY LOST NOW SUUUUUCKS..."

That is all.

Guilty Pleasures

2009-08-22T21:27:00.003-05:00

I know that everyone has guilty pleasures. I want to talk about TV shows in particular. Ya know, those TV shows that you hate to admit you watch? That you deny having ever seen? These range from the Oh-there’s-nothing-else-so-I’ll-watch-this-and-laugh-at-it to the I-can’t-wait-til-everyone-leaves-so-I-can-catch-up-on-this-show.

So I’m going to focus on the shameful enjoyments of my TV life. I’m leaving out two major categories, Kids’ Shows and Infomercials. I omit these because I’m not ashamed to say that I still love some of the shows I used to watch as a youngin’, and infomercials are designed to suck you in and watch them. Now, moving on…..

Kinsey’s Top 5 Shameful, Guilty TV Show Pleasures

America’s Next Top Model / Make Me a Supermodel
The two shows are similar, so I’ve grouped them together, but I maintain that they are different. ANTM seems to focus on all the cat fights and the drama between all the girls who have to live together. This is addicting to me for pure oh-my-word-did-she-just-do-that reasons. Girls are hilarious to watch when they get angry and moody and bitchy. MMAS is addicting for me because there are guys and girls (hellooo pretty boys….) and more intriguing photo shoots, with less in-house drama.

7th Heaven
Yes. It gets bad. I remember watching this with my mom. Sigh….This show is cheesy, laughably bad. Yet oddly memorizing. It’s hard not to laugh when Mary trashed a gym, Matt was caught with a joint, Simon had to drop off a baby, and Lucy was just being bitchy. A major question that has always weighed on my mind though, was Ruthie. She has very olive skin and very curly hair, in a family that looks like it belongs in an Ivory soap commercial. I’ve always maintained she was adopted, or Annie slept with the milkman.

Bridezillas
My sister and I watch this and are always shocked by some of the behavior. There are brides who frequently “fire” their wedding party, go on outrageous shopping sprees, and make excessive demands. It’s interesting to really see how some women turn into monsters as their day draws near, turning into a giant, soul-sucking creature who just makes you wonder why anyone would want to marry them.

Project Runway
I’m not very fashion-forward. No matter how many magazines I read or TV shows I watch, I just don’t care. But this show amazes me for two reasons: That people are so creative as to design and sew outfits from thin air, and then all their hard work gets ripped apart by the judges. It’s a very simple formula for me. Combine something that I could never do (like sewing an outfit in a day) with harsh criticism and it’s a winner. Plus the fantastic Heidi Klum, who always brightens the screen with her smile and German.

Gilmore Girls
It’s entertaining, ok? As it progressed and got more and more soap-operaish, I couldn’t watch it. At least not without feeling ashamedly girly (which I would refuse to be, by the way). But all the trivial references to countless books and movies and bands were always interesting to figure out. And I have now found that in Family Guy, so that part of my life is complete. But the two Gilmore Girls had that these-would-be-perfect-best-friends quality that made it engrossing to watch and follow along.

OK, so mine were probably more girlish than many of the readers here. And these are far from my favorite TV shows, these are just the most guilty indulgences that I can think of. The ones that I am ashamed to admit, humiliated to acknowledge, and ashamed to write.

So what are your’s?

Harry Potter & Japanese girls are both very pettable.

2009-07-21T23:15:00.004-05:00

It doesn't matter whether or not you like the Harry Potter books or movies. If you are a human being, you are required by Natural Law to like this video & find it hilarious & adorable.

Will Ferrell's "Sexy Hot Tan" Sunscreen

2009-07-21T23:00:00.012-05:00

Wanna know the funniest part?

It's REAL.

The Best Thing Ever...

2009-07-21T21:54:00.023-05:00

Conor Oberst,

M. Ward,

& Jim James of My Morning Jacket

are all coming together to make

A SUPERGROUP ALBUM PRODUCED BY MIKE MOGIS CALLED

"M O N S T E R S O F F O L K",

aaaaaaaaaaaand

Now you can download

their 1st single,

"Say Please",

HERE!

FREAKY-DEAKY MUPPET DISCO!

2009-07-12T16:55:00.003-05:00

Sorry, folks, for the obvious lack of postage. I've been tryin' to be more "responsible" this last week, tryin' to get one of those coveted "J-O-B's" or whatever. But you know me: I always put responsibility on the back-burner for crazy muppet musical numbers.

LIBERTY, JUSTICE, & FREEDOM FOR ALL.

2009-07-04T15:20:00.016-05:00

--And Cordelia Chase draped in the Stars & Stripes. *sniff*. It's just so.....beautiful!

God bless America, and have a happy 4th o' July!

Now then: go destroy some tea shipments or something.

That is all.

"The Informant" Trailer: From the guy who directed Ocean's 11, 12, AND 13!

2009-07-01T19:30:00.044-05:00

This is likely Steven Soderbergh's pitch for this film:

"It's like Matt Damon, only less suave, intelligent, and killer-like, more bumbling, corn-obsessed, and mustachey!"

It was either that or

Corn? Corn? Corn?!?
COOOOOOOOOOOOORRRN!!!@!!@1!1!!1

(And that's a pitch I'd act on.)

Well, it looks pretty good. I especially like that Joel McHale & Tony Hale (The host of 'The Soup' & Buster Bluth, respectively) are part of the supporting cast. I love those guys & wish they'd get more roles in film & television.

Local Amateur Plays Alongside Other No-Name Acts...

2009-07-01T06:12:00.016-05:00

(click to enlarge)

Who is this 'Morrison' fellow and what makes him good enough to share my Christian name? Maybe it's his dashing good looks, or maybe it's how he plays a mean GIHtahr, or that perrrty voice & mad lyrical genius of his...........

.....Nah, it's gotta be his shamrock luck with the ladies.

[/shameless self-promotion]

"Daybreakers" Trailer: Now Even Vampires Are Going Corporate...

2009-06-30T20:42:00.011-05:00

...and werewolves are still the struggling small business owners you know and trust. Support your local monster community!

Aaanyways, I'm sure someone out there (a certain Norwegian, say) is probably at this very moment wondering to himself something like, "Hmm, what's with all these vampire posts? I mean, is there a REASON for them, or is Tyler just some kinda psycho fangbanger? I mean he whines aaaalllll day about Twilight and "ooOooooOoOoohhh glittery glitter boy!" and blah blah blah etc. etc., but he keeeeeps on keepin' on postin' 'em."

Well, let me just cirsumvrent that rude question(s) entirely and instead pose to you another question(s), a hypethical one(s): "If vampires were to take over the world and nearly eradicate the entire human race, do you think Sam Neil would be their poster child? And do you think Willem Dafoe would be the badass with a crossbow ready to lay down some heavy slayage on the bloodsuckers' pale and global doushebaggery? And, well, do you think that Ethan Hawke actually deserves to be in another movie, I guess in appreciation of...um, uh, um...Gattaca?"

If your answer to these questions - er, "hypothetical questions" - was "yes", then you need to watch the trailer for "Daybreakers", which I have conveniently placed below for your viewing pleasure.

Okay, all kidding aside, this movie actually looks pretty flippin' awesome. Mostly because vampires are PURE EVIL, and this flick seems to acknowledge it for the most part. Plus Willem Dafoe and Sam Neil are friggin' perfect for their roles. And Ethan Hawke? Well, he actually looks pretty alright. Now that's saying something!

It's Official: "Heroes" is COMPLETELY unsalvageable, and there is NO reason on God's green earth why you should ever watch it ever again. EVER.

2009-06-25T01:37:00.024-05:00

...As if you didn't know that already half-way through Season 3.)

But I'm getting ahead of myself. I'm sure someone out there (probably not a very bright someone, or maybe just a Norwegian someone) must be asking, "Why, Tyler? Why is it that you think Heroes is sooooo bad? I mean, I kinda like it."

Well, Jan, I'll tell you.

The reason why Heroes now sucks AND blows is this:

BRYAN FULLER, by far the best writer on the show, the one who wrote such amazing episodes as "Company Man" for Cris'sakes (sorry, Jesus), the ONE and ONLY hope for "Heroes", the 1 guy who might have actually pulled it off, who might have actually *SALVAGED* this poor, sorry wreck of a superhero TV series, has just EXITED STAGE LEFT!!!!!!!!!!!!

And now for the progression of my emoticon reaction:

:>|

:>/

:>(
>:>(
>:>{
>:>O

(Okay, this really happened 3 days ago, but nothing I ever report is actually "New new" News)

Oh, but not to worry, folks! Greg Grunberg, AKA Matt Parkman, AKA Officer Donuts, AKA The Turtle Whisperer, reassures us with these brief but eloquent words:

...The scripts for season 4 and the stories we're about to tell will ROCK YOUR WORLD. BEST. SEASON. EVER.

Well, that's a relief.

But wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. WAIT A MINUTE, folks! Greggy has actually sent us in a little preview, a little sneak peak at the Heroes season 4 premiere! The clip is kinda confusing, so I might need to sort it all out for you before you give it a watch.

-HERE BE SPOILERS!-
In the near future, Sylar has again abandoned his quest to win the Guiness world record for most brains eaten by a non-Fiji-Islander to enjoy the simple pleasures of family life. In this scene, Sylar is walking his "dog", Noah (who's really a shapeshifted HRG!!!!), with his two new best friends and life-partners, Butcher Boy and T-Bone (T-Bone's the guy with the awesome mystical magical Steak-morphing powers). And then...Noah goes nuts and Sylar loses his sunglasses and then....well...then.....um, then, then things just get a little out of hand.

P.S. Jan, I think you're very intelligent, and only slightly Norwegian. But you should have given up on Heroes a LONG long time ago...

"THE LAST AIRBENDER" TEASER TRAILER!!!!!1!!@@!1!!!!1@!!!!!!!@!!!!!!!1!!!!1!!!!!!!1

2009-06-23T13:41:00.019-05:00

This post title deserved WAY more exclamation points than the admittedly !!!-worthy Buffy/Twilight youtube mashup. I'm pretty sure this more than makes up for M. Night Shyamalan's recent mediocrity. In point of fact, it is so awesome that I am going to break my Vow of No F-Bombs.

Everybody! Everybody! Look, look! It's AVA-fucking-TAR!!!

I was so worried this was gonna end up being just another cra-ra-raaaappy little anime adaptation, but this trailer put aside all worries. I mean, this trailer made me swoooon. *Twice.* (once for faithful adaption of Ang's cute little blue arrow tattoo on his forehead, and once again for the faithful adaptation of the Fire Nation's awesome iron ships and their fire-y bombardment!)

Seriously, if you haven't watched the cartoon, go slit your wrists. Afterwards, go rent the DVDs. Then watch this trailer again, and tell me you're not as jazzed, excited, AND psyched as I am.

Oh NOES! Not Edward! EDWAAAAARD!!!

2009-06-23T13:27:00.012-05:00

This is an amazazazazing youtubey mashup.

(Buffy vs. Douchebag AKA Edward Cullen)

Little Buffy Summers' often annoying "Girl Power" thing has never seemed more right and righteous and awesome than at this very moment.

Guest Post: Top 5 Beautiful Actresses Who Star in Bad Movies

2009-06-16T18:42:00.004-05:00

After reading several similar lists in this vast internet space, I want to submit my own opinion on some select actresses. So, I want to first stat that looks aren’t everything for movie actresses. Some beautiful women have such continuing bad taste (or bad agents) that I want to gag every time I hear one of their new movies is coming out. So I present the Top 5 Beautiful Actresses Who Star in Bad Movies list. This is my opinion, and there are always exceptions, but the actresses who seem to be repeat offenders are as follows:

#5: Jessica Biel
Ah . . . Mary Camden. You were in The Illusionist, which I give mad props for, but that doesn’t make up for everything else. Summer Catch? Texas Chainsaw Massacre? I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry? And—it needs to be said—you’ll always be little Mary Camden from 7th Heaven to some. I just can’t take you seriously when I remember you living with your 20 other siblings, trashing the gym or something. Sorry, but your movie choices haven’t done much to turn you from a hot, athletic babe to a legit actress.

#4: Jessica Simpson
First, I guess I’m using the term “actress” loosely. You can pretty much mention all her movies and they would fall into the bad movie category. Major Movie Star, Blonde Ambition, Employee of the Month, and Dukes of Hazzard are not an acting career, they’re the desperate attempt to cling onto reality-show fame.

#3: Jennifer Lopez
Miss J. Lo has been in too many stinkers to redeem herself. She was great in Selena, and apparently Monster-in-Law was a mild hit—but that cannot make up for such movies like Anaconda, Angel Eyes, and Enough. And do I need to mention Gigli (seriously, you can’t even pronounce that!) or Jersey Girl? She is beautiful, she made curves hot, but her movie choices have been bad enough to make me want to kick her back to her block.

#2: Eva Mendes
Eva . . . you poor thing. You began your poor choice in film with Children of the Corn V. Then you moved on to Urban Legends: Final Cut, All About the Benjamins, 2 Fast 2 Furious, Stuck on You, Ghost Rider, and Cleaner. Those are a lot of bad movies. There were a couple hits along the way: Training Day, (remember her as someone’s girl? Or something equally minor?) Hitch, and The Wendell Baker Story. But these just aren’t enough. Hey, I didn’t invent math—7 bad movies versus 3, maybe 4 good ones? Numbers don’t lie; you need to make better choices. Oh, and The Spirit!? Make that 8 bad movie choices. Tsk tsk. Go pose nude again or something.

#1 Jessica Alba
Let’s see . . . Dark Angel. Honey. Fantastic Four. Sin City. Into The Blue. Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer. Awake. The Eye. And, of course, The Love Guru. Not much to redeem you, poor Jessica, except your looks. And—it needs to be said—you’re a mother. I can’t help but now wonder what your daughter would think to know her mom once played a stripper. To think that my mom might have been a hottie with a body is enough to make me ill.

Guest Post: ‘Go Out and Party Like It’s 1999,’ An Outdated Movie Review

2009-06-13T22:55:00.017-05:00

When Tyler asked me to contribute to his blog I was simultaneously flattered and terrified: flattered that he thinks enough of my opinions to include them, terrified that I might be incapable of saying anything interesting to anyone but me. I must admit, I am rarely up-to-date on any subject, entertainment being no exception. I try to read current books but have a hard time finding anything that interests me, so I generally wait for recommendations from friends who stay on top of things; I’m better about webcomics.

I do watch some currently-airing TV shows, but as I usually watch them on hulu.com in between nursing sessions with my three-month-old daughter, even there I am perpetually a few steps behind the rest of the world. The only show I watch religiously as it airs is Craig Ferguson (which Tyler covers more than amply already), and even that will be taken from me with the grand ‘switch to digital’ (I own a digital TV but our apartment complex doesn’t get good reception); I will be reduced to desperately scouring Youtube for clips. Oh, the degredation. All this is by way of saying that I am not going to write about anything new, because I almost never find out about anything new until it is no longer new to anyone but me. I also hate writing reviews.

Anyway, my husband and I have a Netflix account (I could spend an entire post extolling Netflix, but I won’t) and I have decided that this summer is all about Asian cinema. Let me pause for a moment here to allow for snide comments from the peanut gallery regarding manga/manwha, anime, crazy Japanese porn and/or pop music. Take it away, JH and K.

Pause.

(.....................................)

Okay. Instead of going in all directions, let’s talk Zhang Yimou. Most everybody has seen ‘Hero,’ ‘House of Flying Daggers,’ and ‘Curse of the Golden Flower,’ but before you go lumping all of this man’s films into one big ‘Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon’ lump, let me point out that first of all, Ang Lee directed that movie, and second that there is much more to Zhang’s film repertoire than (admittedly awesome) fighting. I haven’t watched everything yet (my queue on Netflix has about 250 movies of all kinds in quite a jumbled order), but I’ve seen enough to form an opinon, and that opinion is: get off your ass and rent ‘The Road Home.’

I liked ‘Shanghai Triad’ pretty well (I think this film was a let-down for me on account of thirteen years’ worth of anticipation; I remember seeing a preview for it when I was about 10 years old and being fascinated by Gong Li), and enjoyed ‘The Story of Qiu Ju’ very much (I recommend it as well), but this movie blew me away. I haven’t read any critics’ reviews of it, and I don’t have to. I don’t need Roger Ebert to tell me that I ought to like this movie because the style and the cinematography and political undertones are blah, blah, blah… I’m not a film snob. I don’t know about film-snobbish things, and I don’t really care about them. I appreciate shit blowing up as much as the next person. I simply enjoy a good story, and I am more than willing to put up with subtitles if I’m going to get one. (Even if you can’t stand subtitles, this one is worth the pain.) I don’t even know how to begin to write a review of this that will convince you to watch this movie, but here goes:

‘The Road Home’ (1999) is very simple, very tender (not saccharine), and almost reverent story. What is it about? It begins and ends with views of a road, and the title includes the word ‘road,’ so I think one can safely assume that this film is about a road—a very specific Road, in fact, one which leads to a tiny Chinese village. There are two overlapping storylines in the film, one present, one past. The present, filmed in black-and-white, is this: a man’s father has died so he returns to his hometown, where he learns that his stubborn, grieving mother wishes that her husband, the village schoolteacher for forty years, be honored with an old, outdated custom: that his casket be carried by the men of the village down the well-worn road to his place of burial while his friends shout out to him; in this way his spirit might always be able to find its way home. This presents a problem for a village short on men, especially considering that the story takes place in winter in an especially harsh climate. While attempting to find a solution to this problem, the narrator tells, in vivid color, the story of the past and of his parents’ courtship: a love that takes place along that same road, a love beginning when the then-young schoolteacher follows it to an unfamiliar village where a beautiful girl in pigtail braids and a red coat sees him for the first time, a love growing as she shyly follows him down it, day after day, from a distance when he walks his students home, as she finally, in a moment of sheer feminine wilyness, ‘accidentally’ leaves the basket behind for him to pick up and return to her, a love tested when he is called away and she first chases him down it and then waits for him along it, a love fulfilled when he returns to her faithfully as promised. The end of the movie returns to the present, but I won’t spoil that for you. It’s not a shocking plot-twister, but it is better seen than told about.

I was surprised by this movie. It’s not fast-paced, and large periods have little-to-no dialogue, but it doesn’t drag at all—I never even once looked at the clock (this happens to me a lot when watching movies that bore me). The romance isn’t very exciting, but is moving nonetheless. It feels genuine. I think actually that might be a good word to describe the whole movie: it’s genuine, very heartfelt, (again) very reverent. I actually sat down and watched it again, which I never do except with ‘Strictly Ballroom.’ I read that this was Zhang Ziyi’s first movie—that, too, was surprising. She is excellent... and whatever magic Zhang Yimou employs to film as beautifully as he does is well worth it; everything is gorgeous. The movie is gorgeous. If I haven’t convinced you to go see this movie yet, then I will instead command you: go forth and watch ‘The Road Home.’ I don’t know yet if it’s Zhang Yimou’s best film since I haven’t seen them all, but I’ve definitely marked it on my list of favorite movies.

It's An Animation Celebration! (sorry...)

2009-06-10T01:49:00.018-05:00

I saw a documentary a few weeks ago called The Pixar Story (available on Instant Netflix). In an interview with Bob Iger (the new CEO of Disney and Michael Eisner’s replacement) he spoke about the troubles Disney has had the past ten years or so.

There's more...

While it is true Eisner presided over the production of some of the best work the Walt Disney Company has ever done, beginning around 1994 he began slowly driving the company into the ground. Eisner is responsible for the departure of Jeffrey Katzenberg (who left to found Dreamworks), the shift of Disney’s focus to The Disney Channel (i.e., Lizzie McGuire, Even Stevens, Hannah Montana, etc.), and, as Roy E. Disney (Walt Disney’s nephew) said upon his resignation, the devolution of Disney into a “rapacious, soul-less” company.

In the interview, Iger recounted how shortly after he took over, during the Main Street Parade at Disney World, he realized which floats were getting the loudest cheers. They were the classic Disney films like Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, and Pinocchio and the classic modern films like Beauty & the Beast, The Little Mermaid, and The Lion King.

The difference between these and some of the not-so-classic Disney features like Pocahontas, Hercules, and Lilo & Stitch, it seemed to Iger, was quite simply the story-telling. Where Eisner had decided to end all production of traditional animation in favor of Pixar-style 3D, Iger realized the reason Pixar had been trouncing Disney at the box office from the beginning wasn’t the animation style, but that they knew how to create good characters and tell good stories.

Iger said that this epiphany is in fact what led him to end the Eisner-instigated Disney/Pixar feud and effectively merge the two companies, putting Pixar in charge of Disney’s creative side, and the current Disney people in charge of the marketing and business side.

Iger has it exactly right. I think (at least subconsciously) we all recognize the two great eras in animation—the First and Second Golden Ages. The first includes the great early Disney features:

Tell me as you looked through each of those pictures your heart didn't swell.

Disney's work from Snow White in 1937 through Sleeping Beauty in 1957 (or perhaps One Hundred and One Dalmations in 1961) was the best it ever did. This First Golden Age of Animation was not limited to feature-length films, however. This is also the age of Looney Tunes and Tom & Jerry.

From 1957 forward Disney did good work, but it wasn't quite the same caliber as what had come before (perhaps due to Walt Disney's death in 1966). This era saw the release of The Sword in the Stone, The Jungle Book, The Aristocats, Robin Hood, The Rescuers, The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh, The Fox and the Hound, The Black Cauldron, The Great Mouse Detective, The Brave Little Toaster, and Oliver & Company.

I know some of you are screaming at the computer screen right now. Many of these are near and dear to my heart as well, but I think it is safe to say that, on the whole, they don't carry the weight of a Cinderella or a Bambi.

But we said there are two Golden Ages. In 1989 Disney released The Little Mermaid, beginning a new series of classics:

Earlier we said that it was around The Lion King's release in 1994 that Eisner began the downward spiral--the features got progressively worse: A Goofy Movie, Pocahontas, The Hunchback of Notre Dame, Hercules, Mulan, Tarzan, Dinosaur, The Emperor's New Groove, Atlantis, Lilo & Stitch, Treasure Planet, Brother Bear, Home on the Range, Chicken Little, Meet the Robinsons.

Granted, a couple of these don't quite count as they're in 3D and a couple are pretty good, but it's the trend that's important. It's no wonder Eisner decided to focus on The Disney Channel, direct-to-DVD sequels, and merchandise. All I can say is thank God Pixar has taken over.

But, of course, like the First Golden Age, the Second was not limited to the big screen either. The late 80s and 90s saw the best cartoons for television ever produced. It is these that we will consider in the upcoming sequel to this post: "Saturday Morning Classics".

Thank you all for allowing Cowtown & Coolage's Chief Star Trek Correspondant this chance to branch out.

Felicia Day acts like a retarded person on camera.

2009-06-09T01:01:00.013-05:00

I found this hilarious little youtube video of Felicia Day, one of Joss Whedon's many acting groupies, testing out some wiiesque interactive remote-free videogame-thingymajig called "Natal" for the Xbox 360.

The game itself is not all that important.

What IS important is this: Felicia Day looks like she is psychotically kicking and swatting at invisible flies and spiders. It looks like she's being attacked by a whole host of unseen critters. Or maybe she's just having a playful imaginary catfight. I dunno.

Okay, granted, Felicia Day is a lovely and talented actress, I liked her a lot in Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog. And granted, whatever this "Natal" business is received a lot of hype and good reviews at E3 and actually looks kinda cool.

Again, that's not important.

What IS important is this: You MUST completely mute the volume on your computer to experience the full hilarity of this short little video. Then just watch her. Ignore the silly game in the background. Don't think about what she's actually doing. Just WATCH.

Seriously, guys. It's cute. It's adorable. It's ROFL. It's priceless.

(Felicia Day acts like a retarded person on camera)

Oh, LaBamba!

2009-06-08T18:27:00.004-05:00

Conan admits that his studio backdrop was totally stolen from Super Mario Brothers.

A Song Of Ice & Fire ... via SOUTH PARK.

2009-06-08T18:16:00.010-05:00

This, my friends, is all kinds of awesome.

GRRM's NOT A BLOG: "A Change of Plans'

Craig Might Be Giants

2009-06-05T00:04:00.015-05:00

The Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson (June 3, 2009)

"Istanbul (Not Constantinople)"
SINGING, DANCING PUPPET EXTRAVAGANZA opener

This is THE BEST THING EVER. Period.

An Awkward & Hilarious Interview W/ Burn Notice's Gabrielle Anwar

"What Did We Learn On The Show Tonight, Craig?"

"The Vampire Diaries", huh? (OoOoOOoOooOOoOoOOh!)

2009-06-04T18:56:00.015-05:00

Well thankfully the new vamp story is gonna be on the WB.......er...uh....I mean, the "CW", so you just KNOW it's gonna be gooooood. *Cough*Cough*Coughing up lots of blood* Aaaand *blech!*

Okay, okay, okay. We all know "Twilight TV"......er, um...uh, I mean, I meant, I mean "The Vampire Diaries", yeah...we all know that "The Vampire Diaries" is going to suck big neck...but I still watched this durnded "extended preview" for the show. It's pretty entertaining, but, uh, not in the way it intends to be.

Don't get me wrong, the first minute or so is actually not that bad, it looks quite watchable, in fact -- but then it falls apart like a delicious but crumbly honey butter chicken biscuit from Whataburger. I think I stopped taking it seriously when the good-ish vampire's name was first mentioned. It's "Stefan Salvatore", by the by. Really? Stefan? Really? Salvatore, huh? And you're a Gemini? And you're favorite color is blue, not black and red? Oo0o00oOOooO0Oo00OoOoh!

But this was not even the best part of the youtubess video. What I really wanted you to see was the comments...comments that all seemed to be written by bizarre Sasha Baron Cohen characters. Here are 10 of them, 10 comments I consider to be a good sampling of the whole........

'lovescrayons101' writes:
"THAT IS SOOOOOOO COPYING TWILIGHT!!!"

Well, the Bible did it first.

'notdonebaking' writes:
"The Vampire Diaries were written in the early 90s. How exactly does it rip off a book that came out over a decade before it?

Time travel?"

Yep. Ain't it a bitch?

'dubby115' writes:
I am disappointed! Isn't Stephen supposed to be hot?

Nope. Neither is Stefan.

'paowie555' writes:
i always imagine stefan looks like tom cruise with curly locks!

Me too, Powie. Meeee too.

'buuuhja' writes:
"when do i com in tv??"
and then
i meen. when do it come in tv??

For the last time, Buddha, DON'T com in TV!!

'canani02' writes:
why was elena coming out of the guys restroom at 1:00?"

Er...well...

'gossipgirldidi' writes:
LOVEEEEEE

That.

"I profered tv series because they wont resume the book in 2 hours... is better this way...."

Yeah, I proffered a few TV series to the networks back in the day.

'NoUCntDoItLykMe' writes:
"CNT W8 2 WATCH THIS BTW!"

0 YH, $I$T3R, M3 N31Th3R. 0H M@n! Eye c@N'T w8 2 St@B u 1Nn tHe I & TH3n 3@t @ll ur br8ns.

and finally, my personal favorite --

'darksaphire919' writes:
"shes supposed to be blonde and has lapis lazilis eyes wtf"

Lapis Lazilis eyes? What the duck?!

Oh. Okay...?

Holy Keyser Söze! David Carradine is dead?

2009-06-04T17:16:00.035-05:00

He starred in the popular 1970's television series "Kung Fu" as Kwai Chang Caine, he was nominated for a Golden Globe for his work as the eponymous villain of Quentin Tarantino's "Kill Bill" -- and now, he is dead. According to a Thai police official, the 72-year-old actor was found "...hanging by a nylon rope in a hotel room closet in Bangkok, Thailand." Whether his death was a suicide or a homicide has yet to be determined, but an autopsy is being conducted.

In honor & memory of Mr. Carradine, here is a gallery of his work, and below is the wonderful "Superman monologue" he delivers to Uma Thurman in Kill Bill: Volume 2.

But whether or not you were a fan of his, you should say a prayer for the soul of Mr. Carradine.

Requiem aeternam dona eis, Domine.
Et lux perpetua luceat eis.
Te decet hymnus, Deus, in Sion,
Et tibi reddetur votum in Jerusalem
Exaudi orationem meam
Ad te omnis caro veniet.
Requiem aeternam dona defunctis, Domine.
Et lux perpetua luceat eis.
Requiem aeternam dona eis, Domine
Et lux perpetua eis.

Kyrie, eleison!
Christe, eleison!
Kyrie, eleison!

R - I - P

Requiescat In Pace.
May He Rest in Peace.

-----> CNN

Wokka Wokka!

2009-06-04T16:33:00.017-05:00

Okay. It's official. I am in love with Craig Ferguson. I love him. I love him, and I want to make babies with him. I will bear his children.

In an effort to keep myself from finally hijacking my own pop culture blog and turning into a creepy little fansite devoted entirely to "that Scottish Conan guy", I have decided that every night I will post a few clips from the previous night's Late Late Show. Now, as I meant to publish this post yesterday, you, my lucky readers, actually get a double-dose of Craig McFerguson's sexy madness. I'll be posting up bits from last night's show later this evening.

So then...2 nights' previous, Craig had on Dennis Leary as the lead guest, and he was forced to 'bump' the comic who was supposed to follow, one 'Fozzy Bear'. Below is the opening bit from the June 2nd episode, which takes the exact formula of the orignal Muppet Show and makes it extra awesome with a side of rotf.

"Don't EVER touch me. Don't."

"What Did We Learn On The Show Tonight, Craig?"

Pooooor Fozzy.

Go HERE for more Craig. And check out that guy's friggin' wallpaper!

"there's a green one & a pink one & a blue one & a yellow one..."

2009-06-04T06:58:00.041-05:00

"...and they're all made out of ticky tacky, and they all look just the same."

Recognize those lyrics? That's the last four lines of the first stanza of Melvina Reynolds' ironically cheerful ditty, "Little Boxes," which was made famous as the theme of my new favorite TV show, Weeds. However, that odd, quirky, dark soccer-mom-drug-dealer dramedy deserves a whole 'nother post -- a whole score of other posts, in fact. As you may have already guessed by now, we're just concerned with the Weeds theme song today. You see, one of the many brilliant little details of the show is that during its 2nd and 3rd seasons, each episode began with a different cover of Melvina's "Little Boxes." It is truly an addictive song, a fun and simple melody with catchy lyrics, the kind that get stick in your head forever...but in a good way. Anywhoo, below are a dozen or so of the afore-mentioned covers from some spectacular artists, including Elvis Costello, Regina Spektor, The Shins, Jenny Lewis, Johnathan Rice, and the Decemberists. My only regret is that Zooey hasn't done one as She & Him, seeing as she was the special guest star of 3 or 4 episodes.

Melvina Reynolds - Little Boxes

The original - a happy-go-lucky little tune about cookie-cutter suburban houses (i.e. ticky-tacky little boxes) and the frighteningly happy & squeaky-clean WASP clones that inhabit them. It makes you want to whistle while you work.

Pete Seeger - Little Boxes (covering Melvina Reynolds)

Pete was a good friend of Melvina Reynolds, who at one point said that he played "Little Boxes" so well that most people thought he was the original composer. Listen to all the goofy laughter of his audience in the background.

Roger Scime - Little Boxes (soooooorta loosely covering Melvina Reynolds)

It's obvious that Robert's uh...expanding upon Melvina's song (more like putting a little of his spin to it). I do love the bit about "The Wal-Mart & the Wal-Mart & the Sam's Club & the Wal-mart" and the rent-a-cops. Tarnation, is this not the most whistlable tune ever?

Elvis Costello - Little Boxes (covering Melvina Reynolds)

It's Elvis Costello. Need I say more?

Regina Spektor - Little Boxes (covering Melvina Reynolds)

I love this here piano gal and her rendition of "Little Boxes." It doesn't get much more melodic than this.

Christopher O'Riley - Little Boxes (covering Melvina Reynolds)

Speakin'a pianos, here's the only instrumental version of "Little Boxes" on the list. I was unable to get the string orchestra version, which is of course lovely as well.

The Shins - Little Boxes (covering Melvina Reynolds)

I like the Shins a lot. [sarcasm]I know, I'm original. No one else likes them. That's why I like them so much. No one has ever heard of, much less liked, the Shins. This is a good cover by this young upstart band, a relative unknown.[/sarcasm]

Jenny Lewis & Johnathan Rice - Little Boxes (covering Melvina Reynolds)

I keep tellin' my friends we should play "Six Degrees of Conor Oberst" as he is the indie music equivalent of Kevin Bacon. I first listened to Bright Eyes 4 years ago, and through a love of him, all his collaborators, and their gorgeously unique work, I began seeking out the music of Jenny Lewis, Rilo Kiley, The Postal Service, Death Cab For Cutie, M. Ward, Neva Dinova, Maria Taylor, Johnathan Rice, She & Him, etc., etc, etc. So, Conor Oberst is connected to Melvina Reynolds, Elvis Costello, yadda, yadda, blah, blah, blah. Okay, I'm done.

Linkin Park - Little Boxes (covering Melvina Reynolds)

One tiny shiny bit of poppy goodness. Not a big fan of Linkin Park, but they do a great cover here.

As The Crow Flies - Little Boxes (covering Melvina Reynolds)

Right now, I am in heaven. That is all.

Nara Leão - Little Boxes (covering Melvina Reynolds)

A cover from the only Brazilian singer on the list, and coincidentally, it happens to be in Brazilianese. A beautiful, beautiful version, to be sure. I love hearing "ticky tacky" surrounded by a bunch of exotic-sounding foreign words.

The Decemberists - Little Boxes (covering Melvina Reynolds)

Well, my friends, I have saved the best for last. I mean, my absolute favorite band here in Fort Worth is The Theater Fire, and TTF is basically The Decemberists with a heaping dose of old-school country and a dash of mariachi added to their big group dark folk. This, my friends, is the best cover on the list, the best version of "Little Boxes" aside from the original. Hands down. And here's why, in Chris Funk's own words:

we thought it would be appropriate to have the chord progression shift to a minor key, suggesting a bit of tension and more directly, a darker tone. The song really isn’t that cheery when you dig a little deeper and get past that sweet voice and melody, in reality quite depressing…ah life.

True dat, true dat.

(Hit the jump for the full set of lyrics and one scandalous promo photo of Mary Louise-Parker [the show's star]).

Little boxes on the hillside,
Little boxes made of ticky tacky,
Little boxes on the hillside,
Little boxes all the same.
There's a green one and a pink one
And a blue one and a yellow one,
And they're all made out of ticky tacky
And they all look just the same.

And the people in the houses
All went to the university,
Where they were put in boxes
And they came out all the same,
And there's doctors and lawyers,
And business executives,
And they're all made out of ticky tacky
And they all look just the same.

And they all play on the golf course
And drink their martinis dry,
And they all have pretty children
And the children go to school,
And the children go to summer camp
And then to the university,
Where they are put in boxes
And they come out all the same.

And the boys go into business
And marry and raise a family
In boxes made of ticky tacky
And they all look just the same.
There's a green one and a pink one
And a blue one and a yellow one,
And they're all made out of ticky tacky
And they all look just the same.

Craig Ferguson on evil vampires... and their genitals.....

2009-06-02T21:48:00.016-05:00

FIRST OFF: This is Cowtown & Coolage's 50th post! Yay! Can I get a "woot!"? And it's almost been half a year since I started this blog. Dang. 6 months and only 50 entries? That's like not even 10 posts per month on average. Hell, that's not even 9 posts a month. *Sniff*. I'm so lazy. *Sniff*Sniff*. I guess this is what happens when you are distracted from distraction by distraction.

SECONDLY: Man, how did I miss Conan's first Tonight Show?! He took his rightful place on the 10:30-11:30 slot, and I didn't get to watch it. Damn.

THIRDLY: This pain is partially mitigated, as Craig's visit from "The Rerun Fairy" has ended; now the "Live Fairy" is here to stay on the Late Late Show. And last night was a particularly great episode; Craig was at his goofiest/silliest/angriest/craziest/sexiest/Scottishest. (read: best).

Anywhoo, here's an awesome little video from the youtubes in which Guillermo Del Toro and Craig Ferguson say everything I tried so hard to say in that long loooooong rant concerning those durnded bloodsucking vampires. And of course, Craig Ferguson says it so much better, that funny Scottish Conan basterd!

And now for "What Did We Learn On The Show Tonight, Craig?"

Mmmmmmmmm. 2 Late Late hosts wrestling naked live? OoOooOoOoooOoooOOoOooOOOHhHhh!!!

Black Cab Sessions - Cabbies Never Had It So Good

2009-06-01T09:51:00.031-05:00

A few days ago I was catching up on a bunch of the music blogs I follow on Google reader, and one of them mentioned some band or another being featured on some website called the "Black Cab Sessions." I was intrigued, so I checked it out. And wow. Just wow. This site is the best little slice of indie pie since Daytrotter, and that, my friends, is saying something, something serious. When I first happened upon the the site, I spent a good hour just cramming and cramming as much musical goodness as I could handle in one sitting. And now I keep coming back for more.

So, what are the Black Cab Sessions? Well, in their own words:

"THE SESSIONS ARE ALL ABOUT GREAT MUSIC AND THE VENUE STRIPS THIS TO ITS ESSENCE."

What, then is this great venue? Why, the back seat of a little black cab, of course! What these people do is this: they get in touch with some of the best (and I mean the best) up-and-coming indie bands and catch them just before or after they play a gig. Then they share a cab ride to wherever the bands are headed, and along the way they record the artists as they play a one-song one-take stripped-down acoustic session. I am always in favor of 'stripping down' a set. I figure if a song is really good, then the live acoustic version will probably be even better. That's the Black Cab Sessions' above-mentioned philosophy: stripping a song down to its bare and beautiful essence. And let me tell you, they have be-a-utiful songs to start out with. I mean, Fleet Foxes, Peter and the Wolf, Death Cab For Cutie, Bon Iver, Dawn Landes, Calexico, Daniel Johnston, Spoon, My Morning Jacket, The New Pornographers, Damien Jurado, Doves -- these are just a few of the amazing artists with whom they've shared a taxi. Hell, it almost makes me wanna become a taxi driver just for the off chance that I might get the opportunity to see some of these guys perform some of their best material just a foot away from me. In fact, it makes me go "Oo0o00oOOooO0Oo00OoOoh!"

Long story kinda short, you should go there. Nowish. In fact, you should go RIIIIGHT NOW.

I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of-Ah! Aaah! AaaaAaaAaAaAAAaggghk! Blech.

2009-06-01T06:10:00.015-05:00

I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here! starts tonight at 8/7 central on NBC.

So, is "I'm a Celebrity..." torture? Evil? Pure evil? What reality shows have always tended towards anyway? Human sacrifice as a means to ensure a good corn harvest. The end of civilization as we know it? Or the best damn thing ever?

I say: ALL OF THE ABOVE. I'm definitely watching. Hey, TV robbed me of my soul long ago. My vote: STEPHEN BALDWIN. IN A CAGE. WITH A TIGER. OR TWO. OR TEN.

Please, Just Stake Me. Please.

2009-06-01T05:00:00.022-05:00

I love Joss Whedon, and every single oddball but intelligent geeky TV masterpiece thing-a-ma-bob/jig he creates. Love it, love it, love it, llluuuuuuuuuuvvvv it all. Yep, I'm the kinda guy who fits neatly into the "Whedonite" niche of the "Madatoms' comparative chart of Internet cults."

So, suffice it to say that I was super-duper-uber-Pisssssed when I heard that the got-danged Kazuis were making a "Buffy" reboot WITHOUT JOSS WHEDON(!!!). I actually tried to blog out this rage the day after I read the news, but I was too damn angry to form a clear thought, let a coherent sentence. That's why you're only reading about it now.

On a somewhat related issue, I oh-so-passionately hate "Twilight" and all the hideous and ridiculous destruction of a perfectly valid literary genre for which it stands. I hate it, hate it, hate it, HATE IT. So, I was quite amused when I read this hilarious little comic strip, which fused my love of Joss and my hatred of the Kazuis and the Twilight fad into one brilliant pop-culture insight. I highly recommend it; please give it a read and a few chuckles/giggles.

"Yooouuutuuube" -- another solid choice in addicting time-wasters

2009-05-29T21:18:00.029-05:00

"Yooouuutuuube" sounds like something Craig Ferguson would say during his opening monologue (accompanied of course by Salvadore Dali's crazy portrait and obligatory "OOooOooOOOooh!" noise), but it is in fact a real website, albeit a strange, psychedelic sort of website that defies most descriptions.

If you follow the first link, you will be asked to enter a youtube video URL or a youtube word search. You can also simply click for a random video. Then you choose what height and width you'd like to see the videos in, and choose the "shuffle" effect or the "spiral" or neither. Then just click the big ol' "DO THIS" button at the bottom, and you're done. What happens now? Well, now yooouuutuuube turns the video or videos you've chosen into a quirky, fascinating, and often stunning collage of stop-motion footage. It doesn't work well with every single youtube video, but given the right kind of video and the proper parameters, and yooouuutuuube can produce something truly beautiful. It's the kind of thing that makes a straight arrow like me see the appeal of certain eh...... "pharmaceuticals."

To demonstrate this, here are the links to a few new yooouuutuuube videos created by Yours Truly:

---------->
"All Souled Out" - Conor Oberst & The Mystic Valley Band

---------->
"Why Do You Let Me Stay Here?" - She & Him

---------->
"Summer Grof" - The Spinto Band

---------->
"Pork and Beans" - Weezer

If you make any compositions of your own, please post the links in the comments. "I want to see your skills of an artist!"

Movie Titles Brainteaser - one hell of a way to waste your day

2009-05-29T20:49:00.017-05:00

Empire made this fun and engaging little quiz in honor of its 20 year anniversary. I gotta warn you, though... it's very addicting, and it can take a while. Once you start you have to finish! (It does however have a "Save" feature so that you can return to it another time)

There are 50 movie titles hidden in the picture; some are obvious, some are not so obvious, and some are just plain ridiculous. (Hint: the three cheerleaders' title has absolutely NOTHING to do with cheerleaders, cheering, or anything related to them. At all. Whatsoever.)

I personally got to about 33 or 34 on my own before I broke down and went to this little forum desperate for help.

Anyway, y'all should definitely have a go at it. If you want any subtle hints of mine (since the forum's hints are often not so subtle...), just post your questions in the comments.

Cheerio!

We're Back! (Oo0o00oOOooO0Oo00OoOoh!)

2009-05-26T19:02:00.015-05:00

Not much to say at the moment, but school's out and Cowtown & Coolage is officially back in business.

I do have one little thing to whet your pop culture appetite -- Late Night. Who will you watch this summer, if at all? Letterman? Leno's new show? Conan's coming back June 1st, which is very exciting. However, I don't reaaaaally care about those guys so much now, despite my long love of Conan. Why? Because I've switched over to the psychotic Scottish Late Late Show host, Craig Ferguson. You know, Mr. Wick...from the Drew Carey show? He is hands-down the funniest guy on late night. If his show were 3 hours long, I would still watch it. In fact, I think that his monologue should be one straight hour long. The man is funniest by himself, a crazy, witty, random improve-master... more Conan than Conan himself (no offense, O'Brien).

sooooooo.....

....here's a pic and a clip from an episode from a few weeks ago, on Salvador Dali's birthday.

Oo0o00oOOooO0Oo00OoOoh!

UPDATE:
And here by Emily's request is the hilarious little skit he did with fellow Scotsman, Ewan McGregor! (it also features some craaAaAaaaAaAaAaaaAaazy mustaches...)

As is probably obvious by now...

2009-05-11T19:00:00.005-05:00

...We here at Cowtown & Coolage are "ON HIATUS."

The short answer is school's ending -- papers, finals, looking for jobs, etc., etc., etc.

I should hopefully be back in a week or two.

Oh! On the bright side, C&C has a new contributor: Thomas Beyer, a sophomore at St. Thomas More, my friend and roommate. (You can see his Star Trek post directly below this one.)

That's all, folks.

Top Ten Next Gen

2009-04-27T23:15:00.018-05:00

Once, a very long time ago, an unabashed and undeniably evil Positivist/Progressivist named Gene Roddenberry invented something called Star Trek.

(Continue reading Thomas' overview of 'Trek' after jump. Many strange photos to follow.)

Ta da!

Also, it was the 60s...

The effects were bad...

Did I mention the effects were bad?

The characters were hollow. The writing was obvious and preachy. And Star Trek's vision of the future was generally short-sighted. But it was the 60s...

The Original Series should be discussed, absolutely. But not here. And not by me.

Due to the aforementioned 60s quality of The Original Series (and the unavoidable continuity issues involved in a 20-year span between it and The Next Generation), it is fitting, I think, to recognize two Star Trek canons: one including Kirk, etc. and their escapades, and another including everything else (i.e., The Next Generation, Deep Space Nine, Voyager, and movies VII-X.

On 28 September 1987, The Next Generation premiered, ushering in a new era for Trek. Finally, Star Trek's take on science fiction could be realized. There was only one problem. It was the 80s...

Did I mention it was the 80s?

But, the fundamentals were there, and, more importantly, Next Gen fought against its inheritance (of both The Original Series and the 80s).

At the end of Season One, Tasha Yar, Head of Security=dead...

Her death, though tragic as it was somewhat meaningless, was a blessing in the end. With her went one of the 80s-est elements of the show. Ironically, she was killed by the 80s-est of aliens. I give you Armus...

Tasha was replaced as Head of Security/Tactical Officer by Mr. Worf, resident Klingon (a much more sensible choice for the position, obviously)...

Just look at all those forehead ridges! He must mean business.

Worf angry!

Season Three introduced new uniforms, with an all-new 90s cut...

Before:

After:

Deanna's hair grew less permy as the seasons progressed, and in Season Six she finally abandoned her 80s catsuit...

Oh, and they got that damned kid off the bridge. What the balls were you thinking Picard? This is fecking Starfleet, not Lake Winnebago Summer Camp!

Look at him. Look how dumb he is. Jesus.

But I said that Next Gen fought against its inheritance of The Original Series. Quite. Next Gen redid the Klingons (now with forehead ridges, as we saw). They were a culture this time, not just hand-me-down Mongols. Next Gen redid the science part of science fiction; i.e., it kinda started to make sense. More importantly, the stories became compelling, and their effect on the characters. Of course, it's Star Trek, so the dialogue was still preachy, but hey.

In the spirit of recognizing the solid storytelling in Next Gen, what follows is a list of the 10 episodes everyone should see.

10 - The Drumhead

Jump for an episode preview.

Speaking of preachy... This episode epitomizes one of the major elements of the entire show--Picard taking a stand on moral issues, in the face of a corrupt bureaucracy. There is always this tension in Picard, between the Progressivist ideas he's adopted as a Starfleet captain and the Traditional values he was brought up with...in France...even though he has a British accent.

9 - The Nth Degree

Jump for an episode preview.

By far one of the best things about the later seasons of Next Gen was Lieutenant Barclay. Nervous, neurotic, and accident prone make for good ingredients in a lovable character.

8 - Masks

Jump for an episode preview.

Captain Picard could have been an archaeologist. In this episode, he gets to show off his skills. Also, Brent Spiner gets to play a bunch of characters (which happens several times actually...)

7 - Elementary, Dear Data + Ship in a Bottle

and

Jump for a preview of Elementary, Dear Data.

Jump for a preview of Ship in a Bottle.

These two episodes (the first from Season Two and the second from Season Six) are basically the two halves of the same story. Data and Geordi are messing around on the Holodeck in Season Two, playing Sherlock Holmes, and the computer accidentally creates a holographic version of Holmes' archvillain Moriarty self-aware. Trouble ensues.

6 - The Best of Both Worlds, Parts I & II

Jump for a preview of Part I.

Jump for a preview of Part II.

By far the most important contribution Next Gen made to the Star Trek universe (aside from the badass-ness that is Captain Picard) was the Borg. A hive mind of cybernetic drones bent on galactic domination. In this amazing two-parter, Captain Picard becomes one of them! Ack!

5 - Cause and Effect

Jump for an episode preview.

Always in Star Trek (that is, until the travesty that was Enterprise) the coolest episodes involve time travel. They rarely hold up to logic, but they're awesome just the same. In this episode the Enterprise gets caught in a time loop. ...Oh yeah, also, Frasier Crane makes a cameo appearance. Baha.

4 - All Good Things...

Jump for a preview of Part I.

Jump for a preview of Part II.

Is it not the worst when good shows just kind of fizzle away, or jump the shark and end on a low note. Thankfully, Next Gen wasn't one of those. Its finale really satisfied. Plus, it involved time travel.

3 - Darmok

Jump for an episode preview.

Now this is just a really, really good episode. One of Trek's biggest cop outs has been the Universal Translator. Basically it makes everybody speak English. Which is dumb. In this episode, it stops working--rather, it can't translate these guys' language. So they've gotta figure it out. Turns out it's a super cool language, P.S.

2 - Chain of Command, Parts I & II

Jump for a preview of Part I.

Jump for a preview of Part II.

Captain Picard steps down as captain of the Enterprise and goes on a black ops mission. Also, he gets captured and tortured by Russians...I mean...Cardassians.

1 - The Inner Light + Lessons

and

Jump for a preview of The Inner Light.

Jump for a preview of Lessons.

The Inner Light is the best episode ever. So effing good. Seriously. Lessons isn't as good, but it builds on The Inner Light, and Picard falls in love.

Look forward to future guests posts by this author. Next up: The Top Ten Star Trek: Voyager episodes everyone should see.

Poem # 4: To Jane

2009-04-20T01:36:00.008-05:00

For our fourth poem, I have chosen one from an author few at the college like. In fact, I consider it part of my life mission to convert Dr. Shank's from her scathing sentiments concerning him. That's right; I'm speaking of Percy Shelley.

"To Jane", by He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named-Except-For-5-Seconds-Ago-When-I-Did-Above-In-The-1st-Paragraph.

The keen stars were twinkling
And the fair moon was rising among them,
Dear Jane:
The guitar was tinkling,
But the notes were not sweet till you sung them
Again.
As the moon's soft splendor
O'er the faint cold starlight of heaven
Is thrown,
So your voice most tender
To the strings without soul had then given
Its own.

The stars will awaken,
Though the moon sleep a full hour later,
Tonight;
No leaf will be shaken
Whilst the dews of your melody scatter
Delight.
Though the sound overpowers,
Sing again, with your dear voice revealing
A tone
Of some world far from ours
Where music and moonlight and feeling
Are one.

I DARE you to tell me it's not a good poem. Just try me.

Poem # 3: Janet Waking

2009-04-18T14:08:00.011-05:00

Now for another favorite:

"Janet Waking", by John Crowe Ransom.

Beautifully Janet slept
Till it was deeply morning. She woke them
And thought about her dainty-feathered hen,
To see how it had kept.

One kiss she gave her mother,
Only a small one gave she to her daddy
Who would have kissed each curl of his shining baby;
No kiss at all for her brother.

"Old Chucky, old Chucky!" she cried,
Running on little pink feet upon the grass
To Chucky's house, and listening. But alas,
Her Chucky had died.

It was a transmogrifying bee
Came droning down on Chucky's bald old head
And sat and put the poison. It scarcely bled,
But how exceedingly

And purply did the knot
Swell with the venom and communicate
Its rigor. Now the poor comb stood up straight.
But Chucky did not.

So there was Janet
Kneeling on the wet grass, crying her brown hen
(Translated far beyond the prayers of men)
To rise and walk upon it.

And weeping fast as she had breath
Janet implored us, "Wake her from her sleep!"
And would not be instructed in how deep
Was the forgetful kingdom of Death.

Hmm. I'm beginning to see a pattern in the poems I've chosen. What is it? DEATH.

Superheroes Are ALL The Rage!

2009-04-16T21:59:00.012-05:00

This is an old post that never made it; I was going to publish it a month ago, but I sidetracked for some reason.

Anyways, over at the Hero Factory, you can design and download your own superheroes. It's quite an enjoyable little time-waster, and as an enthusiast in the sport of procrastination, I highly recommend it. The only annoying thing (besides the music in the background) is the fact that you can't name your superheroes; the game makes up one up based on the powers/gadgets you gave them. Still, it's a fun bit of silliness.

Wanna see MY gallery of superheroes? Well, too bad! I'm going to show you it anyway.

(See a bunch more after the jump.)

Create your own hero HERE.

Poem # 2: Losses

2009-04-16T03:42:00.010-05:00

It's time for poem numero duo!

"Losses", by Randall Jarrell:

It was not dying: everybody died.
It was not dying: we had died before
In the routine crashes-- and our fields
Called up the papers, wrote home to our folks,
And the rates rose, all because of us.
We died on the wrong page of the almanac,
Scattered on mountains fifty miles away;
Diving on haystacks, fighting with a friend,
We blazed up on the lines we never saw.
We died like aunts or pets or foreigners.
(When we left high school nothing else had died
For us to figure we had died like.)

In our new planes, with our new crews, we bombed
The ranges by the desert or the shore,
Fired at towed targets, waited for our scores--
And turned into replacements and worke up
One morning, over England, operational.

It wasn't different: but if we died
It was not an accident but a mistake
(But an easy one for anyone to make.)
We read our mail and counted up our missions--
In bombers named for girls, we burned
The cities we had learned about in school--
Till our lives wore out; our bodies lay among
The people we had killed and never seen.
When we lasted long enough they gave us medals;
When we died they said, "Our casualties were low."

The said, "Here are the maps"; we burned the cities.

It was not dying --no, not ever dying;
But the night I died I dreamed that I was dead,
And the cities said to me: "Why are you dying?
We are satisfied, if you are; but why did I die?"

(It's another one Mr. Lacey introduced me to.)

Toodles.

Ah, Poetry

2009-04-14T22:36:00.020-05:00

They tell me (and by "they" I mean Whitney Matthison) that April is 'National Poetry Month', or some such. I'm proud to say I am one of the few [the proud, the Marines!] who still believe in poetry. Thus, I have decided that I shall try and post a GOOD poem every few days until the end of April. (Feel free to critique my choices...)

So, to kick off things, here is an old favorite of mine. It is a traditional Scottish ballad called "TWA CORBIES":

AS I was walking all alane
I heard twa corbies making a mane:
The tane unto the tither did say,
'Whar sall we gang and dine the day?'

'—In behint yon auld fail dyke 5
I wot there lies a new-slain knight;
And naebody kens that he lies there
But his hawk, his hound, and his lady fair.

'His hound is to the hunting gane,
His hawk to fetch the wild-fowl hame, 10
His lady 's ta'en anither mate,
So we may mak our dinner sweet.

'Ye'll sit on his white hause-bane,
And I'll pike out his bonny blue e'en:
Wi' ae lock o' his gowden hair 15
We'll theek our nest when it grows bare.

'Mony a one for him maks mane,
But nane sall ken whar he is gane:
O'er his white banes, when they are bare,
The wind sall blaw for evermair.' 20

GLOSS: corbies] ravens. fail] turf. hause] neck. theek] thatch.
From the always wonderful collection at Bartleby

Also, feel free to suggest poems for me to post, especially if you have written your own. At the end of the month, when I have exhausted all the good ones, I might resort to my own sorry verse. (Consider yourself warned!)

Ciao.
~tylooh~

APOLOGIA PRO "VITA"

2009-04-13T23:21:00.035-05:00

With Thursday night came the second season finale of NBC's quirky crime drama "Life". I hope and pray alongside many others that this episode will not end up being the show's series finale as well. Life is a sensational (not to mention Zensational) TV show, and it would be a crying shame if it fell through the cracks while other run-of-the-mill crime series (read: anything with a 'CSI' prefix) went on strong. Yahoo's TV blog puts Life at #2 of its top-ten 'Shows That Are Really, Really Awesome But Which Will Almost Certainly NOT Pick Up Another Season Because...Because...Well, because, let's face it, The Majority of the American TV-Viewing Public Is Just Plain Stupid. It's STUPID. Seriously.' List (that was something of a paraphrase, if you hadn't guessed). While I haven't yet watched their #1 pick (i.e. "Chuck"), and I cannot fathom why something as tame and mundane as a reality show ("Celebrity Apprentice", to be precise!) makes their cut, it is overall a great list with good assessments of the shows. Besides Life, I'm rooting for "Dollhouse", "Fringe", and "Better Off Ted", by the by.

But what about Life makes it worth saving?
I mean, is it not just the latest version of the now-tread 'crime-with-a-twist' genre? Is it not just another "Monk" or "Psych"? The answer, as is probably obvious by now, is an EMPHATIC "NO."

(Continue for the full review after the jump.)

So, the reason? I cite the same ones as the above-linked film.com critic: star Damien Lewis and the intriguing, engaging character he plays -- Det. Charlie Crews.
Don't get me wrong about the crime-with-a-twist thing. While I enjoy any ol' Law & Order as much as the next guy (which I hope means "a lot, for the most part"), I'm much more in favor of the above-scorned "characters wanted" approach. The difference is that whereas the quirks of many other 'characters-wanted'-type detectives serve merely as props or gimmicks, as bits of comedic relief and distraction from the dark crimes they are solving, the Zen-y so-called "quirks" of Detective Charlie Crews are really the representation of the show's central-most tension -- Charlie's personal crisis; his internal struggle; his soul's teetering between the abstract and the concrete.

Of course, I understand that the show's basic premise is more than a little bit gimmecky and far-fetched. If you're not familiar with it, here's a summary of what wikipedia has to say:

Life centers around Detective Charlie Crews, who at the start of the first season (set in 2007) is released from Pelican Bay State Prison after serving twelve years of a life sentence. In 1995 he was wrongfully convicted of the triple murder of his business partner and the partner's family. Thanks to the efforts of his lawyer Constance Griffiths, DNA evidence exonerates him of the murders. Having lost his job, his wife, his friends, nearly all contact with the outside world and even his grip on reality for a time while in jail, he emerges enlightened by the philosophy of Zen, a fixation with fresh fruit and an obsession with solving the murder that nearly cost him his life and exposing the conspiracy that framed him for it. After successfully suing the city of Los Angeles and the LAPD, he is reinstated to the police department and receives an undisclosed but substantial monetary settlement.

But if you accept the basic premise and watch the show, then Charlie Crews, his life, and the people that surround it -- all of it will grow and grow and GROW on you. Again, what makes the show so compelling is Charlie himself, and what makes Charlie so compelling are his seeming contradictions (and actual contradictions). In short, he is something of a conundrum.

Despite the fact that his settlement has made him fabulously wealthy, Crews continues to work on the force, trying to bring the conspirators who framed him to justice. However, this vengeful pursuit of justice sometimes borders on revenge, which flies in the face of his apparently Buddhist philosophies. Crews is constantly listening to the advice given by a series of Zen self-fulfillment audio tapes, but at the end of Season 1, when he has the chance to kill the real murderer, he tosses one out of his car window. Yet when he digs a grave in which to bury the true killer, he fills it back up again, as a Zen exercise, and goes on to turn in the man rather than murder him secretly. Afterwards, he goes back to the country road and picks up the damaged audio tape from the dust.

Though his unusual outlook on life often aids him on his cases, Charlie CANNOT become a true Buddhist and remain a good cop; nor can he perfectly do what a police officer ought without abandoning some of his Buddhist principles. The question surrounding his character then is whether the mystical and transcendent ideals of Zen will rule the day, or whether the grounded, common-sense sentiments and notions he holds as a human being and a cop will overcome the dangers of his abstract philosophies. In short, shall he transcend the dirty, nitty-gritty details of LIFE, become distanced and disassociated from it, or shall he engage LIFE, embrace it, and deal with the pains and harsh truths and unpleasantness of it all?
Perhaps this exchange from the penultimate episode of Season 2 puts it best, when Charlie discovers his partner has been kidnapped by a criminal mastermind who was supposed to be behind bars (Here be SPOILERS!):

TED EARLEY: Charlie, what are you thinking?
CHARLIE CREWS: I'm thinking about what I want, and what I need.
TED EARLEY: What do you want?
CHARLIE CREWS: I *want* a peaceful soul...
TED EARLEY: And what do you need?
CHARLIE CREWS: I *need* a bigger gun.

Or perhaps this exchange, from the season finale, when Charlie prepares to hunt down the men who have taken his partner:

BOBBY STARK: Is this a private club, or can anyone join?
CHARLIE CREWS: That depends on if you got me what I asked for.
[Bobby opens the car trunk]
BOBBY STARK: It's not Zen, Charlie.
CHARLIE CREWS: It'll just have to do until Zen comes along.
[CUT to trunk interior, where an assault rifle is revealed. Crews picks the gun up, loading a clip.]

No, I know -- the climactic scene of the season finale, when Charlie's in the hands of Roman, his arch-nemesis:

CHARLIE CREWS: Do you wanna know how I survived twelve years of prison?
ROMAN NEVIKOV: Your 'Zen'? [laughs]
[Charlie whips his hand back, smashing Roman's windpipe. Roman slowly chokes to death...]
CHARLIE CREWS: Like *that*.

(Here endeth the SPOILERS...)

Hopefully by now you have a rough feeling of what I'm trying to say about Det. Charlie Crews' internal struggle. While he longs for harmony and union, there is none to be had with monsters like Roman, and so Charlie picks and chooses his Buddha-sayings, getting a "bigger gun" instead of "a peaceful soul", and doing what he's got to do "until Zen comes along."

So, is Season 2 better than Season 1? Yep. The reasons? Donal Logue as Captain Kevin Tidwell and Gabriel Union as Detective Jane Seever. Plus, of course, the plot thickens, the conspiracies widen and change, the bizarre mixture of death, hilarity, and surrealism doesn't miss a beat. And Detective Charlie Crews gets to kill the bad guys. That's not very Zen, Charlie!
So, so, so, if LIFE gets canceled, a little piece of my life will shrivel up and die. I mean, we'll keep watching that d-bag in Miami take on/off his sunglasses, but not Charlie with his personal pineapple? Anyway, y'all say a prayer for Life, Dollhouse, Fringe, and Better off Ted.

Ciao, folks. If you read this far, you are truly blessed.
~tylooh!~

Happy Easter

2009-04-12T09:44:00.012-05:00

Albanian: Krishti Ungjall! Vertete Ungjall!
Arabic: Al Maseeh Qam! Haqqan Qam!
Armenian: Christos harjav i merelotz! Orhniale harutjun Christosi!
Belorussian: Khristos Uvoskros! Zaprowdu Uvoskros!
Chinese: Helisituosi fuhuole! Queshi fuhuole!
Coptic: Pikhirstof aftonf! Khen o methni aftonf!
Czech: Kristus vstal zmrtvy'ch! Skutec ne vstal!
Danish: Kristus er opstanden! Ja, sandelig opstanden!
Dutch: Christus is opgestaan! Hij is waarlijk opgestaan!
English: Christ is Risen! Indeed, He is Risen!
Gaelic: Erid Krist! G'deya! n erid she!
Georgian: Kriste aghsdga! Cheshmaritad aghsdga!
Greek: Christos Anesti! Alithos Anesti!
Hebrew: Ha Mashiyach qam! Ken hoo qam!
Italian: Cristo e risorto! E veramente risorto!
Japanese: Harisutosu Fukkatsu! Jitsu Ni Fukkatsu!
Latin: Christus resurrexit! Vere resurrexit!
Norwegian: Kristus er oppstanden! Han er sannelig opstanden!
Polish: Khristus Zmartvikstau! Zaiste Zmartvikstau!
Portuguese: Christo Ressuscitou! Em Verdade Ressuscitou!
Romanian: Hristos a Inviat! Adeverat a Inviat!
Russian: Khristos voskres! Voistinu voskres!
Serbian: Hristos Vaskrese! Vaistinu Vaskrese!
Slavonic: Christos Voskrese! Voistinu Voskrese!
Slovak: Kristus vstal zmr'tvych! Skutoc ne vstal!
Spanish: Cristo ha resucitado! Verdaderamente ha resucitado!
Syriac: Meshiha qam! Bashrira qam!
Ukranian: Kristos Voskres! Voistinu voskres!
Welsh: Atgyfododd Crist! Atgyfododd in wir!

Um, Well, I Hate To Say "I Told You So!"...

2009-04-10T01:33:00.019-05:00

...when "I told you so!" means "suicide."

Don't follow?

Well, you probably thought my Watchmen review was a bit too over the top. It may have been somewhat scathing, but hey, I didn't blow my brains out in the theater. Oops. Too soon?

Now I know that we are taught suicide is like a one-way ticket to Hell, but I also know that God in his infinite mercy understands all extenuating circumstances -- like viewing three excruciatingly long hours of calculated cinematic mind-rape. I think we can all safely say that is only by God's grace that most of us have avoided the full blunt-force soul-trauma experienced during that torture masquerading as a movie.

In short, Watchmen is a film scientifically proven to make you want to kill yourself. Literally.

All kidding aside, we should probably say a prayer or two for that brave but all too empathetic movie-goer. Kyrie eleison, Christe eleison, my friend.

Long Time, No Read...

2009-04-07T18:25:00.003-05:00

I apologize for my absence of two fortnights. School and laziness have consumed me. But no more! Today my spring break begins, and I plan to spew forth a barrage of blog posts this week, and hopefully continue on into the next. So rest easy, dear readers; the Coolage is back in Cowtown.

~Tyler, That All-Around Awesome Guy~

Futureappletreestudio 1 MELTDOWN!

2009-03-18T17:56:00.011-05:00

I just wanted to make up yet again for lost time. Besides, I'm too lazy to actually write reviews right now, especially when these Daytrotter Sessions already come with lovely ones by Sean Moeller. So then, prepare to OD on DT!

The 1900's

The Daredevil Christopher Wright

Ash Reiter

The Redwalls

Nellie McKay

Vampire Weekend

As always, happy sounds.

Guess The Movie

2009-03-18T04:25:00.014-05:00

Here are ten quotes and one photo, all from one amazing film. Try and guess the movie without sneaking a peek at IMDB! (I've changed the names of the speakers to give it a little more mystery, but the dialogue is all original and unchanged.)

1. "You got me, Charlie. What are you going to do now?"

2. "I will civilize this land."

3.
A: "What's a misanthrope, Arthur?"
B: "Some bugger who fuckin' hates every other bugger."
A: "Hey, I didn't ask you, you black bastard!"
C: "He's right, Samuel. A misanthrope is one who hates humanity."
A: "Is that what we are -- misanthropes?"
C: "Good lord, no. We're a family!"

4. "Australia. What fresh Hell is this?"

5.
A: "Forgive me, sir, but I've been stuck here with no one but this sorry sack of Hibernian pig shit for conversation. Poor, poor Dan O'Reilly. Sit, sir. Drink with me."
[B cocks his gun and points it at A]
B: "One more crack about the Irish, Mr. Lamb, and I'll shoot you. Am I clear?"
A: "Oh, as the waters of Ennis, sir. Let us drink, then, to the Irish. No finer race of men has ever ... peeled a potato."

6. "Oh, he sits up there in those melancholy hills; some say he sleeps in caves like a beast, slumbers deep like the Kraken. The Blacks say that he is a spirit. The Troopers will never catch him. Common force is meaningless, Mr. Murphy, as he squats up there on his impregnable perch. So I wait, Mr. Murphy. I wait."

7. "Why can't you ever just...stop me?"

8. "Love. Love is the key. Love and family. For what are night and day, the sun, the moon, the stars without love, and those you love around you? What could be more hollow than to die alone, unloved?"

9.
A: "'There’s night and day, brother, both sweet things; sun and moon, and stars, brother, all sweet things; there’s likewise a wind on the heath. Life is...very... sweet, brother...'"
B: "'Life is very sweet, brother; who would wish to die?'" George Borrow, I believe. A worthy writer and a beautiful sentiment, Sir ... But you are not my brother."

A: Now, suppose I told you there was a way to save your little brother Mikey from the noose... Suppose I gave you a horse and a gun. Suppose, Mr. Burns, I was to give both you and your young brother Mikey here, a pardon... Suppose I said that I could give you the chance to expunge the guilt beneath which you so clearly labour... Suppose I gave you till Christmas... Now, suppose you tell me what it is I want from you.
B: You want me to kill me brother.
A: I want you to kill your brother.

If you're really psycho, name the characters who say these things.
And maybe the actors, too!

Hey, there might be a prize involved...

UPDATE: Yes, Kinsey, your friends is correct. Whoever he/she is, he/she gets 77 IMAGINARY AWESOME-BEANS (which are infinitely better than the so-called "cool beans")!
(they look something like this:)

Late Night Buzz: Trailers, Interviews, and More Trailers

2009-03-10T21:12:00.023-05:00

Well, this is a Lenten post, so I can't enjoy any cokes or smokes. Still, perhaps I can get a vicarious buzz off of sharing what's brewing in popcultureland.

To the Buzzmobile! Awaaaay!

!!BUZZ!!
I hope by now most of you have seen the new Star Trek trailer. If you haven't, you must watch it. NOW. Yes, you read correctly: despite my once having been an avid Trekkie-Hater, a few seasons of Voyager and this AWESOME trailer have won me over. When I first saw it in theaters, my head exploded. Twice. True story.

!!BUZZ!!
Did any of y'all catch the series premiere of Castle last night? It's not bad, not bad at all. 'Course, I love just about anything with Nathan Fillion in it. Speaking of whom, here is the link to an interview in which he talks about the new series.

!!BUZZ!!
Apparently the cast of Seinfeld is gonna reunite on Curb Your Enthusiasm. Frankly, I don't want to see Jerry Seinfeld again; I mean nowadays he's just the twice-dried husk of the already dry, hallow shell of his former self. But George? Elayne? Kramer? All of them together? Count me in!

!!BUZZ!!
Here's the newest trailer for Pixar's "UP". Now with twice the number of senior citizens, and 100 times the number of creepy talking dogs!

!!BUZZ!!
I love Amy Adams. So does my niece, Claire. But to her, she exists only as 'Princess Giselle.' Anyhoo, she did an interview for her new indie dramedy (yes, I love saying the phrase 'indie dramedy' when-and-where-ever possible), Sunshine Cleaning. Read it now.

!!BUZZ!!
Wanna take a sneak peak at Guy Ritchie's upcoming Sherlock Holmes film, starring Robert Downey Junior as Sherlock and Jude Law as Watson? Wait. Really? Jude Law as Watson? Oh yeah, yeah, I can see that. Definitely. He definitely looks the part, is the right age, has the level of maturity, etc., etc. I mean he was practically born for this role. [/sarcasm]

!!BUZZ!!
And God said "The Last shall be First, and the First shall be Last." And Tyler blogged it so. YOU MUST WATCH THE NEW HARRY POTTER TRAILER!!! I mean it. Stop reading this and click the link now. Click it!

The Spinto Band at Futureappletree Studio 1

2009-03-09T06:17:00.008-05:00

It's been forever and a day since I did a Daytrotter session! But fret not, dear readers. That's what I'm here to do.

[T]here’s young and out-of-control puppy love, there’s serious-found-the-one love, there’s adoration for the tickly impulse that happens when a familiar song makes you want to sing louder than an airplane, there’s splitting a six-pack, there’s all-night drives, and there is a wealth of good times arranged for all to have inside of every Spinto song. ---Sean Moeller, founder of Daytrotter

I had heard a couple of songs from The Spinto Band floating around the internet, and yeah, at the time I thought they were OK, but nothing special. Their latest session at Daytrotter destroyed that false impression completely. If I had to describe their music in one phrase, it would probably be something like "Electroshock Molasses!" or maybe even "Coked up cotton candy Energizer Bunny." Confused? So am I. But let me explain myself. The Spinto Band's songs are catchy and sweet -- hooky even, but make no mistake: they are hardly "sugar and spice and everything nice." No, there's more than a bit of a bite to their music, a raw intensity and a surprising maturity that belies the poppy exterior of their songs. I'll definitely be looking for more of their music. How could you not like a band that throws together an oddly addicting medley of "Give Me Just A Little More Time" by the Chairmen of the Board, "The Boys Are Back In Town" by Thin Lizzy, and "The Sweet Escape" by Gwen Stefani? I find that to be quite a feat, maybe even a feat-and-a-half. And I dare you not to join in with their frantic and ecstatic "La la la's!" on 'Pumpkins and Paisley'. Just try not singing along. Try it!

"LAlalalalalalaLAlalalalaLAlalalaLALALALA!"

The Spinto Band - Welcome to Daytrotter
The Spinto Band's encore Daytrotter session
The Spinto Band - Give Me Just a Little More Time / The Sweet Escape / The Boys Are Back In Town
The Spinto Band - Later On
The Spinto Band - Pumpkins and Parsley
The Spinto Band - Summer Grof

Sunday Already?

2009-03-08T01:24:00.011-06:00

Since half of everything good on this site is something I have stolen from better bloggers like Whitney Matheson, I thought, "Hey! Why not steal more?" So here's my version of Whitney's "my week In Pop" review:

------>

Best TV show I saw:
Burn Notice, which is perhaps the most entertaining show on television, and the season finale ("Lesser Evil") was no exception. Season 2 definitely went out with a bang, a looot of bangs. If you haven't yet seen any of this hilarious and addicting spy dramedy, I urge you to rent Season 1; it'll be the best 5 bucks you spend this week.
I also enjoyed: Life -- it's always funny, surreal, and suspenseful. This episode ("Hit Me Baby") was particularly good and Zen-y. Dollhouse -- it took me a few episodes to get into it, but Joss Whedon never fails to hook you. His new series is thankfully getting better and better. Speaking of Joss (and shaky starts and becoming better and better), I've also been catching up on Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I am in Season 3 and am now quite obsessed, as my friends and family can well attest.

Best movie I saw: Sadly, I only saw one movie this week, so Watchmen is the best (and the WORST) by default...
Best album I heard: It's pretty much a toss-up between Matter and Light, the new album by my favorite local band (a colossus of weird folk, bluegrass, and alternative country), The Theater Fire, and Blood Bank, the new EP by singer/songwriter indie-sensation, Bon Iver. I'll hopefully jot down a little album review on each of these shortly.
I'm also listening to: Alela Diane's two albums, The Pirate Gospel and To Be Still, as well as lots and lots and lots and LOTS of Daytrotter sessions -- too many to count, in fact.

Best book I read: Um...prob'ly Moby Dick, which, while I hope it isn't really "The Great American Novel", is damn good. Thanks, Dr. Shank, for helping us wade through it.
I'm also reading: Slayer Slang - a Buffy the Vampire Slayer Lexicon, by Michael Adams, and I am only half as ashamed as I should be for reading that. But hey, go easy on me; it was a gift!

Ok. There be my list. So what's on yours?

"Watchmen" Review

2009-03-06T23:26:00.014-06:00

QUESTION:

ANSWER: Well, count me out. I'm not going no way! Not a 2nd time, at least...

...OK. So it's Thursday night. I have no school in the morning. And, frankly, absolutely nothing to do. My friends say they're going to see a movie: Watchmen. I say something like, "Oh, wow! I had forgotten that was opening! I'll tag along if that's alright." And so off we go, giddy with glee, to the midnight showing of what is sure to be one of this year's biggest disappointments...

I know my audience -- er, um, my lectance? -- is rather limited, but I still hope that this review may persuade many hopeful movie-viewers from wasting $10 and 3-4 hours of their lives on what will almost certainly end up being a flop.

First a little background on the movie for those who have lives (feel free to skip):

Watchmen is a twelve-issue comic book limited series created by writer Alan Moore, artist Dave Gibbons, and colorist John Higgins. The series was published by DC Comics in single issues during 1986 and 1987, and has been subsequently reprinted in collected form. [...] Moore used the story as a means to reflect contemporary anxieties and to deconstruct the superhero concept. Watchmen takes place in an alternate history United States where the country is edging closer to a nuclear war with the Soviet Union, freelance costumed vigilantes have been outlawed and most costumed superheroes are in retirement or working for the government. The story focuses on the personal development and struggles of the protagonists as an investigation into the murder of a government sponsored superhero pulls them out of retirement and eventually leads them to confront a plot by one of their own to stave off nuclear war by killing millions of innocent people. [...] Watchmen has received critical acclaim both in the comics and mainstream press, and is regarded by critics as a seminal text of the comic book medium. After a number of attempts to adapt the series into a feature film, director Zack Snyder's Watchmen was released in March 2009.from the "Watchmen" wikipedia article

---

Thus, "Watchman" is a long-(geekily)anticipated film adaptation of its eponymous graphic novel (which, of course, I have not read, as you may know from my Coraline post). Many fans of the graphic novel were certain the movie would become an instant blockbuster. I wonder how many have retained their faith in it. As I've said, I had not read the comic before seeing the film, but I was intrigued by its premise and its claim to art; thus we went to the midnight showing with high hopes. We waited for almost two hours in the theater before the film began, a film which we eventually wanted to ditch with a good 40 minutes left to go.

---> to the brass tacks of the Review:
I suppose I keep delaying my actual assessment of the film because it's so hard to put down coherently. Where to begin? Hmm......with asterisks!

*Watchmen is a long movie. But more to the point, it feels looooooong. I remember when I first saw "The Dark Knight" in theaters, I desperately wanted the movie to stretch out, to keep going; despite the superhero film's unusual length, it felt short, because I was enjoying it so much. Whereas, Watchmen drrraaaagged on and on and on. Time was tangible, and unforgiving; I wondered if the movie would ever end, a sentiment which hardly bespeaks virtues in a film.

*Per the point above, Watchmen only made me care about *one* of its characters. Rorschach makes one think of Travis-Bickle -- if he became a real superhero (with very, very similar monologues); though nobler than the Taxi Driver, Rorschach exemplifies the most extreme and feverish of vigilantes, whose just crusade has become an arguably justified series of executions. But Rorschach is the exception that proves the rule; Watchmen has a fairly large cast, with at least 5 main characters who are given almost equal air time, and I only really care if one dies. Perhaps that's the point. Maybe the cast is just too large, the focus too big. Watchmen does share a lot of the flaws of the unmentionable adaptation of the 3rd book in the Lord of the Rings trilogy; it's a little too "epic" for its own good, which generally translates into stilted melodrama and lots of eye candy, but nothing else. I mean, I for one would like to know what a normal Joe-Blow thinks about the eminent destruction of the world, and yet the only characters are the heroes and the villains! And generally speaking, when Watchmen tries to show the depth or complexity of one of its characters, it basically just throws a plot point at them: e.g. "Oh! She really is the daughter of so-and-so, as opposed to what's-his-face. What depth! What complexity!" In other words, instead of making the characters complex, it complicates their lives.

*Gratuitous violence and sex. Listen, I like a lot of violent movies: Man On Fire, Kill Bill, American History X, The Proposition, etc. I also like some movies that have a lot of sex and nudity, like Forgetting Sarah Marshall. I call sex and violence "gratuitous" when their on-screen purpose seems only to titillate, when useful tools of character and story become mere cheap thrills. The violence in Watchmen is not ever-present, but when it appears, it is more than a bit over-the-top, probably over-the-line, and seemingly for its own sake. Again, the film's depiction of sex and nudity does not take up that much time and is not extremely graphic, but it is excessive in so far as it seems out of place and without much of a point beyond itself. To put it another way, Watchmen suffers from the same faults as Sin City, because both films pretend that gore and sex and scandal are not only capable of being 'artsy', but *ARE* ART in themselves, without any qualification. Forgive my crudity, but boobs and brains are not in themselves worthy of film depiction; there must be a good REASON for showing what is properly (as the ancient Greeks understood it) ob-scene, or meant to be kept off-screen. I mean, once you know that Dr. Manhattan doesn't wear any clothes, do you reeeeally need to see his glowing blue member throughout several scenes? I don't think so.

*Piggy-backing on the last point, Watchmen falls far short of the literary heights to which it aspires to ascend. Its title is taken from the Roman satirist Juvenal's "Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?", or "Who watches the watchmen?" And its arch-villain is a reference to the famous Shelley poem, "Ozymandias." And while I admit that the graphic novel may be quite different, "Watchmen" the film is by no means art, and is thus not worthy of even parasitic REFERENCES to real art. Art has a cohesion, a continuity of vision, that Watchmen lacks. Art has multiple levels of analogy, while Watchmen's meaning is sadly only on the surface. Art is life-affirming (even if dark and twisted in depiction), while Watchmen often propounds bleak, Nihilistic sentiments. And, ironically enough, these sentiments prove most true when directed at the movie itself. 'Cause, frankly, "It's all a joke."

*On the + Side: Watchmen is very, very, very, very pretty. Again, it has a lot of action and eye candy, but in the end it proves all style, no substance.

--------> In conclusion, Watchmen is like THIS:

And it does THAT to the viewer:

It is a film that might appeal to the most hardcore fans, but few others. It is too obscure, too long, too disgusting and bleak, for the general American audience to enjoy.

I give "Watchmen" 2 Rorschach action figures out of 5.

See what rating Rotten Tomatoes gives Watchmen.

OSCARS much?

2009-02-27T15:50:00.009-06:00

Nope.

You may have noticed the lack of Academy Awards blogging on this site. Guess what? It was intentional! The Academy Awards are a joke; they almost always pick terrible, terrible winners. Why? Because Hollywood doesn't actually care about talent or good cinema (read: Frank Langella, Mickey Rourke, The Dark Knight); it only cares about its own agendas and who will shove them down our throats (read: "Milk" and Sean Penn). I mean, hell, "In Bruges" and "Milk" were both nominated for Best Original Screenplay, Angelina Jolie was nominated for Best Actress in "Changeling", and yet "The Dark Knight" was not even NOMINATED for Best Picture. I understand a film like that would never win in such a snobby competition, but the Oscars voters ought to at least pretend like they actually saw some of the films for which the rest of America paid damn good money. So there.

~~
Tyler, the emphatically grouchy Oscars Grouch

"Coraline" Review

2009-02-13T21:19:00.007-06:00

Last night I went with my little brother to the Rave at Ridgmar to watch "Coraline" in 3D. Ticket prices were $9.50 for adults, and so I fibbed and said that Christian was only 12 (as he and I see it, such situations are the only apparent advantages to him being a 'late bloomer'). But even with my liar's discount, our two tickets together cost a whopping twenty three dollars! I realized then that I had been charged an additional $2.00 per ticket because Coraline is a 3D Movie. Was I now broke? Yes. Did that fact infuriate me? You betcha. But in the long run, was it all worth it? YEEESSSS!!!

Let me preface my little review by saying that I have only ever read one graphic novel in my entire lifetime. I am an avidly avid supporter of the idea of reading comic books, but I myself never actually go out and read any. It must be because I am not a very visual person, or perhaps it is just another odd form of my all-pervasive laziness. Whatever the case, I say again, I've only ever read through one graphic novel, and it was hardly enjoyable. After watching Coraline, I am rethinking all of that. I am going to buy the Coraline comic and the Graveyard Book, as well as reread the Sandman comic I did not at first enjoy. Before, I (unfairly) found Neil Gaiman to be more than a bit overrated. Now, I think he is under-appreciated.

So, to the purpose. "Coraline" is a children's ghost story that centers on a young girl who has just moved to a new house, a house in which she soon discovers a secret doorway to another world, a world that mirrors her own. This new world gives her everything she lacked in her old one; it gives flesh and voice to all her unfulfilled dreams and fantasies. Where her first mother had always been too busy and had no time for her, her "Other Mother" shows her daughter unusual kindness and affection, loving her even to the point of adoration -- and her Other Mother has shiny black buttons for eyes. In fact, every creature on the other side of the door has shiny black buttons, and they all demand Coraline's unqualified affection. They whisper how she could even stay there with them forever...
.....and soon, Coraline's dream-world transforms into a nightmare, one from which she must desperately try to escape.

This movie is brilliant, absolutely brilliant. It is one of the most imaginative children's stories I've ever seen on film. It is the longest stop-motion picture to date, but it has to be to tell this spellbinding tale of phantasmagoria. And because Neil Gaiman is such a literate writer, the adaptation of his graphic novel isn't just any other kiddy goosebumps flick. I mean, how many villains from a kids movie are a reference to a character from a Keats poem? (The Beldam 'old woman / grandmother' ---> "La Belle Dame Sans Merci")

But I've yet to tell you the best part about the movie, for the visual beauty of "Coraline" surpasses even its superior storytelling. The cinematography is gorgeous and truly stunning: in every shot there is a galaxy of budding shapes and colors; in the next shot they burst into bloom. It's also the first stop-motion animated feature to be shot entirely in 3D, and it can safely boast that it elevates that genre from the gimmicky to the nuanced. Because of its visual splendor, "Coraline" is a film that must be seen on the big screen at least once, to enjoy the so-called "eye-popping" 3D effects it employs. It's just not the same without them.

So, in conclusion, I give Coraline 5 creepy eye-buttons out of 5. Go see it now.

Um, my GEEKOMETER just EXPLODED: the full script for the pilot episode of HBO's "A Game of Thrones" has been LEAKED!!!!!!

2009-02-06T18:42:00.008-06:00

Ok. Let's just get this out of the way. I am a fantasy geek. No, actually, I'm a huuuuuumooooooongous fantasy geek. Now, Tolkien aside, George R. R. Martin is my preferred idol of worship. HBO has already picked up the rights to his A Song of Ice and Fire series and greenlit a pilot episode for his first book, A Game of Thrones. Today, the uber-geeky and ever helpful blog Winter Is Coming has posted a few links to the ENTIRE LEAKED SCRIPT!

I just read it all; I suggest you do the same. Thus far it seems a great adaptation, mostly for its ability to do a lot with little. Not to say that the source material is small (on the contrary, it's overwhelmingly huge!), but I mean that despite having to abridge and truncate many, many scenes and chapters of the novel as well as adding a few scenes of their own, the writers still stay very faithful to the book and develop the characters while creating suspense and intrigue. My only big critique from my first reading is the original scene with the conflict between Eddard and Jaime. It seemed more than a little forced, and it simplifies Jaime's character to a dangerous extent. Other than that, however, the script is practically flawless!

Ron Sexmith at Futureappletree Studio 1

2009-02-03T17:54:00.002-06:00

Ok, I need to get something off my chest: I have not been faithful in providing a Daytrotter session a day. In point of fact, I've been quite feckless. Now, I figure, I could certainly cover a Daytrotter session whenever I want. So, from now on, I'm reducing the Daytrotter sessions to a minumum of whenever I feel it. So there.

Now, on to Ron Sexmith:

Ron Sexsmith is an inexplicably sweet force of nature. [...] Sexsmith, with his economical and slightly warbling crooner’s voice, is able to mine many of the beautiful sights and sounds of a stroll through the park or a picnic by the lake for the kinds of universal dialogue that he’s still able to process from pure cane into an edible sugar or salt from the veins into the table salt that goes on our mashed potatoes. He dresses these very tender, everyday moments into timeless thoughts that feel like wispy cloud systems emblazoned across an otherwise clear blue sky.
---Sean Moeller, founder of Daytrotter

It would not be very fair to Sean if all I did in these posts was rip off his writing and links, so that means I should probably say a few words of my own on the artist. Ron Sexmith has a smooth, lush voice, ripe with strains of joy and sorrow that have been folded over one another over and over again, ever shifting, up and down, up and down, a perfect medium of conveying life's many ups and downs. As with all the artists I have featured thus far on this site, Ron is a singer who writes simple but evocative songs. He stopped in at Futureappletree Studio Number One to record four songs from his latest album "Exit Strategy Of The Soul" ( a grrrreat name, by the way). My favorites from the session are "Impossible World", in which he croons and serenades us into thinking that perhaps this life isn't quite so bad as we imagined, and the song "Chased By Love", in which he sings these child-like lyrics: '...Who from way back when, / I'm the same boy that you knew then. / I just want to be chased by love, / Embraced by love, / Just like you."

Ron Sexmith's Daytrotter Session

Ron Sexsmith - Welcome to Daytrotter
Ron Sexmith - Impossible World
Ron Sexsmith - One Last Round
Ron Sexmith - Chased By Love
Ron Sexsmith - Poor Hopeless Dreams

Evening Buzz: Zooey Deschanel and Burger Beds and Dresses

2009-01-31T18:47:00.007-06:00

Ingrid Bergman wants you to join her in lighting up the collective pop culture cigarette. Here is your Evening Buzzzz!

!!BUZZ!!
Well, first off, Fox has picked up the remaining Narnia movies since Disney copped out. I'm glad C.S. Lewis's books are being adapted to film and not TV, 'cause we all know how Fox treats its best shows (*cough* Arrested Development *cough*cough*).

!!BUZZ!!
Are you a big fan of He-Man? Yeah, I'm not gay either. But apparently Warner Brothers, Joel Silver, and John Stevenson are teaming up to remake "Masters of the Universe". Actually, I suppose it's not bad timing, as Skeletor is being nominated for an Oscar this year.

!!BUZZ!!
You should watch the trailer for "500 Days of Summer", an indie film starring Joseph Gordan Leavitt and Zooey Deschanel. I liked Leavitt a lot in "Brick", and I'm straight-up in love with Zooey Deschanel. I've loved her ever since her bit in "Elf", and she's just wowed me more and more in each new flick (not to mention her musical work with the brilliant M. Ward, especially her band She & Him!). Apparently, 500 Days of Summer has blown everyone away at Sundance. Yay!

!!BUZZ!!
Here's some more good news: Neil Jordan is gonna direct a live-action movie adaption of Neil Gaiman's "The Graveyard Book" (a ghostly retelling of The Jungle Book). I have to say, Neil Gaiman is winning me over; I'm coming around to his Sandman comic books, Coraline is shaping up to be really good, and now this.

!!BUZZ!!
Amy Poehler's new government sitcom finally has a name -- "Public Service". This will be one to watch; besides the presence of the ever-funny Poehler, it's from the creators of the Office, and will also feature Aziz Ansari and Rashida Jones (of Office fame). Public Service airs in April.

UPDATE: It's called "Parks and Recreations", and the pilot was BAD. Here's hoping the show gets a looooooot better.

!!BUZZ!!
And finally, here is a fun, provocative, and even -- dare I say it? -- yuuummmyy dress. Hint: It's a HAMBURGER dress. This is the best thing to happen to hamburger-themed non-hamburger products since The Hamburger Bed!

Top Movie Villains of All Time???

2009-01-30T20:03:00.006-06:00

Who are your favorite villains of the silver screen? Who do you think are the most classic? The most evil? The ones that carry the biggest presence? The most terrifying, the most twisted, the most sadistic?

I want to know your opinion. Vote in the comments, and I'll update my list and eventually rank them. There's no rule about genre. Be the film a gangster flick, a detective thriller, western, sci-fi, fantasy, horror, drama, or even kids' cartoon, its villains are up for grabs. But note: I WILL NOT accept antiheroes or mere antagonists. The entries must truly be VILLAINS, and that means evil characters with whom the audience cannot sympathize.

Update: Well, I've racked my brain. Here are my current contributions, from the Devil to Disney villains, and everything in between.

The Joker (The Dark Knight)
Hannibal Lector (Silence of the Lambs, etc.)
Keyzer Soze (The Usual Suspects)
Sauron (Fellowship of the Ring, etc.)
Darth Vader (Star Wars, The Empire Strikes Back, and Return of the Jedi [before the end!])
Voldemort (Harry Potter and the Sorceror's Stone, Etc.)
Maleficent (Sleeping Beauty)
Freddy Krueger (Nightmare On Elm St.)
Lord Caldlow (The Prestige)
Detective Stansfield (The Professional)
Bricktop (Snatch)
Frank (Once Upon A Time In The West)
Arthur Burns (The Proposition)
Sheriff Cooley/The Devil (O Brother, Where Art Thou?)
Count Tyrone Rugen/The Six-Fingered Man (The Princess Bride)
Bill (Kill Bill)
Ernst Stavro Blofeld/Dr. Evil (From Russia With Love / Austin Powers, etc.)
Mr. Blonde (Reservoir Dogs)
John Doe (Seven)
Jigsaw (Saw)
The Judge (The Natural)
Mr. Glass (Unreakable)
Scar (The Lion King)

So, who makes it on your list?

DAYTROTTER OVERDOSE!

2009-01-29T18:54:00.007-06:00

I just wanted to make up for lost time. Prepare to OD on DT!

Ben Kweller

Dawn Landes

Horse Feathers

A.A. Bondy

Jaymay

The Snake The Cross The Crown

Frank Smith

Well, as always, dear readers, happy sounds :-)

The hiatus has been put......on hiatus...

2009-01-29T18:53:00.004-06:00

So sorry for the long and unannounced break; that's what school does to you.
I will be back to my usual daytrotting, popculturecigarettebuzzing, and general tom foolery.

thank you.

Six-String Samurai: the Coolest B Movie Ever

2009-01-16T16:47:00.007-06:00

Imagine a movie that is part Red Dawn, part Mad Max / Road Warrior, part Kill Bill (definitely the all-style-no-substance Volume 1), part Wizard of Oz, part The Seventh Seal (or Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey, if you prefer), and part tribute/satire to rockabilly music and the 50's.

Put it all together and what do you get?
(I'll tell you after the jump.)

I will not be coy. This movie has many, many problems, but most of them can be attributed to the B movie budget of the production. The dialogue is terrible, and the delivery is worse. The special effects are obviously limited, though the film-makers do a lot with what they've got. The biggest single problem is the overuse of the orphan sidekick character, who started out as just another bit of comedy, but eventually progressed to become a predictably and disgustingly sentimental prop on the scale of Tiny Tim. Let me put it this way: he mostly speaks in whiny shouts like "aAaaaAah!" and "oOooaah!"

However, the CORE IDEA of the story and the world in which it exists is amazing, and one can forget some of the poor details when one looks at the beauty and imagination in the grand scope of the film. What is this amazing story? Well, let me let the film do the talking; it speaks for itself. Here are the words from the prologue that scrolled over black:

In 1957 the bomb dropped, and Russia took over what was America.

The last bastion of freedom became a place called Lost Vegas, and Elvis was crowned King.

After forty rockin' years, the King is dead.

Every guitar-picking, sword-swinging opportunist, including Death himself, hears the call echoing across the wastelands.

Vegas needs a new King.

Who is the Six-String Samurai? His name is 'Buddy'...as in Holly; he looks the same, dresses the same, plays the same sort of music, and even wears those signature geek-chic glasses.

So, most of the movie then is Buddy wandering around the wastelands, dueling to the death a bunch of people lamer than he, including a trio of strong-arm bowlers, a car-roving band of crazed cannibals, silent killer astronauts, a bizarre cult that worships an all-powerful "Windmill God", an inept battalion of left-over Soviet soldiers, and finally, DEATH himself. That's right. Death himself is the true villain of this movie, and Death wields a katana and plays a mean guitar. Of course, Death obviously plays death metal. In fact, he kinda looks like a Nazgul version of Ozzy Osbourne as the tophat-wearing Prince of Darkness.

On top of all this, many of the characters speak in ridiculously dated vernacular, constantly saying such slang as "Swell!" and sometimes arguing the merits of different 50's automobiles, and the entire soundtrack consists mostly of songs from the cooky on-screen Russian band, the 'Red Elvises'. Also, Six-String Samurai won Best Cinematography and Best Editing at Slamdance in 1998, and it shows. Best of all, this movie knows its a B-movie, and knows its cheesy, and is willing to poke fun at itself. It has no pretensions. It is very up-front. "Hey this a movie about samurai rock stars that kill each other to become King of Vegas/Oz." Who wouldn't wanna watch THAT???

Basically....if you have seen aaaany B-movies at all, I cannot recommend Six-String Samurai enough. In fact, if you have watched aaaany B Movies at all, you have a categorical imperative to watch this film. At the very least, you should watch it on Instant Netflix and just skip everything but Buddy Holly slaying all the weird troop of posers. You could maybe even skip that, so long as you watch the end when the Six-String Samurai duels with Death, who raises his sword and charges him while shouting the line "Bend before the ways of Heavy Metal!"

CLICK HERE TO SEE OUR HERO BUDDY KILL A WHOLE ARMY OF COMMIES!

P.S. This is definitely the best line from the movie...
Ward Cleaver: You ever try a pink golf ball, Wally? Why, the wind shear alone on a pink golf ball can take the head off a 90-pound midget at over 300 yards.

Can you write 10 songs in 4 weeks???

2009-01-14T17:33:00.004-06:00

I'm gonna try.

The RPM challenge

UPDATE: Whoops. Well, *I* failed. How 'bout you?

Ben Taylor at Futureappletree Studio 1

2009-01-13T23:09:00.006-06:00

Ben Taylor gives off some of the same vibrations that his father started giving off back in the late 60s and early seventies – there’s no avoiding that in his voice – but he lends more of the sea salt laze that must make up the other percentage of people calling the Vineyard home that wasn’t already accounted for by water. It’s a committed, but lackadaisical flair for being able to keep things in perspective and to keep the blood pressure at all-time lows. Here he sings about America, a country that he grew up seeing from one angle and has since discovered in all its warts, shadiness and overriding splendor on his own, in a way that Simon & Garfunkel sang about it, while adding to the description (mostly a love in spite of the black eyes and sour reports) a carefree tonality that’s vaguely of a reggae feel, where the drinks are helping.
---Sean Moeller, founder of Daytrotter

Welcome back, dear readers. Today's Daily Dose of Daytrotter gives us Ben Taylor, who certainly has music in his blood, as he is the son of James Taylor and Carly Simon. His voice sounds a lot like his dad's; to compare his music to to that of other contemporary artists, I think Ben's sounds like Jack Johnson and Ben Harper finally had a baby after touring so long together, and that baby grew up loving James Taylor and Carly Simon and so he changed his name to Ben Taylor....I understand if you didn't follow that; neither did I. The important thing to understand is that Ben Taylor makes amazing music, and if that's not enough, he writes great lyrics to boot. Any guy who makes an album called "The Legend of Kung Folk, Pt. 1: the Biting Kiss" is a guy I want to listen to. "Kung Folk" is the coolest silly album phrase I've heard in a while. Ben crafts fun and meaningful songs that stand up to the acid test of constant (and I mean constant) loop replays. He can even keep you very entertained just by telling a hilarious anecdote, or reading a short poem (a surprisingly good poem!).

My favorites from his Daytrotter session are "Wrong", "Turn On The Lights", and "Wicked Way", though "America", "After It's Over It's Over", and his untitled "Poem" are all great too.

Ben Taylor's Daytrotter Session
Ben Taylor - Turn on the Lights
Ben Taylor - Wrong
Ben Taylor - Wicked Way
Ben Taylor - America
Ben Taylor - After It's Over It's Over
Ben Taylor - Poem

Buh-bye. As always, happy sounds.

you know what really SUCKS...?

2009-01-13T19:19:00.012-06:00

.....................VAMPIRES, that's what. Literally. They will suck your blood. They. Will. Suck. Your. Blood. They will suck it up. Dare I say, they will drink your milkshake.

So, I hate vampires. Seriously. I hate vampires. Every single one of them. I HATE vampires! I have not seen a vampire movie in I-don't-know-how-long, and yet in the past few months they have continued to show up in violent, graphic nightmares to get me and everyone I love, the evil bastards. I HATE vampires!

Oh, I know what you're thinking... "But vampires are so cool. Vampires are sexy!"
(My reply after da jump.)

Um, yeah, they're sexy...until they're about tear out your jugular,

and eat your soul (and then theres' that whole afore-mentioned blood-sucking thing). Dear readers, take note: the whole reason why they're sexy is because they wanna get close to you and bite you. Vampires only have one thing on their minds. Bloooooooood. You see, our current pop culture has deceived us. Our media want you to think that vampires are dark, sexy, freaky, spooky superheroes. I'm sorry to break it to you, but there's no such thing as a gothic/vampire/bat superhero.

Ok. That kind of backfired on me. But notice, Batman does not bite people's necks. Batman does not suck people's blood. And Batman certainly does not listen to emo crap like My Chemical Romance. He's way too cool to do something lame like that.

The sad thing is, our current pop culture has progressed beyond even the Underworld-era vampire as the sexy, cool superhuman; this type of vampire has been replaced with one far more repulsive...

That's right. In addition to whiny, melodramatic teenagers wanting to be vampires, we now have VAMPIRES TRYING TO BE WHINY, MELODRAMATIC TEENAGERS! These vampires are so far removed from Count Dracula that "the harmful effects of sunlight" don't burn these vampires, don't kill them, don't turn them into bats. No. No. The magical harmful effects of sunlight make these vampires...

...sparkle...
......................
..........................
...............................Yes, you read that correctly. They sparkle in the sunlight. OooOoOooOooOooOoOOOOOoOooOOOOooh!! Scary. And. Glittery. That's just what we need -- glittery, glitzy vampires.

What we need now is a new vampire movie that is completely old-school, totally non-new. The last thing we need is to "reinvent" vampires; that's how we went wrong in the first place. We've reinvented them eleven times over, and humanized them to a fault. What we need is something like a more modern retelling of Nosferatu; what we need is a classic Dracula-flick with an updated setting. The vampire need not be Dracula himself necessarily, but he ought to be modeled after that seductive but terrifying gentlemanly archetype.

Also, I'm so sick and tired of every single vampire movie featuring the most arrogant vampires explaining to the silly humans that every single bit of oral tradition handed down about vampires is wrong, that somehow all the oldest and best-known tales about these monsters are pure superstition. When's the last time you saw someone try and kill a vampire with a good old-fashioned stake, or ward him off with holy water, garlic, or a crucifix? We need to return to these archetypal sorts of tried-and-true props and motifs. Because God knows, no one (thirteen-year-old girls aside) wants to see another dumb teenage vampire angst movie.

P.S. Vampires are real, very, very real, and very, very scary. They are ABSOLUTE evil! The hierarchy of evil is Satan/Morgoth/Sauron, Maleficent, the Joker (ala Dark Knight), the Sith, the Nazgul, Count Dracula, Keyser Soze, Hannibal Lector, and vampires in general. That's why this post is so vitally important. We humans (and we werewolves) must win the war against the blood-suckers. I'll explain all about werewolves in another post.

from the Local Corner

2009-01-13T11:48:00.004-06:00

-locallocallocal-
HERE is a very interesting article on Fort Worth's music scene--its past, present, and future.

-locallocallocal-
Apparently there's such a thing as "Radio Shack de Mexico". And now we OWN IT. *Devilish laugh, followed by awkward cough*

-locallocallocal-
Well, I've only eaten there a few times, but it was a pretty fun place while it lasted. The Downtown La Madeleine is closing for good.

-locallocallocal-
Six Flags will soon be serving booze, unless TABC does something TABC-ish. I swear, those guys are d**ks. (note: I only called them "docks". Really.)

-locallocallocal-
Some Fort Worth artist got some reward or other. His stuff's not half bad, considering how modern it is.

-locallocallocal-
Finally, here's an amazing gallery of local artsy photos. Here are my favorites:

...and this one just blew me away.

Til next time...you stay classy, Fort Worth!

Early Morning Buzz: Gran Torino, Flight of the Conchords, and DAY MAN!

2009-01-13T11:00:00.004-06:00

Clark Gable getting a buzz. Am I classy, or am I classy?

!!BUZZ!!
I Watch Stuff has the latest box office results. It is kind of amazing that 'Gran Torino' won over films like 'Bride Wars' and 'Marley & Me'. Maybe audiences have finally discovered the indescribable beauty that is Clint Eastwood singing.

!!BUZZ!!
Speaking of singing (and jokes), the AV Club has just had an exclusive interview with Brett and Jermaine of Flight of the Conchords fame. They're discussing Season 2 of their hit show, and pretty much just how amazingly awesome they always are.

!!BUZZ!!
Speaking of amazingly awesome (and funny songs), here is a youtube video of an Of Montreal concert in which the band covers "Day Man" from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia! Music For Kids Who Can't Read Good has the original MP3s as well as Of Montreal's live cover.

(this made my day)

!!BUZZ!!
And finally, speaking of music videos (and Music For Kids Who Don't Read Good), Music For Ants also has a great list of "the top Music Videos of 2008". Some are cool, some are funny, and most are weird.

Alright. That's it. Thanks for choosing Cowtown & Coolage, the finest in pop culture tobacco.

Late Night Buzz: Golden Globes, Heroes, and Simpsons

2009-01-12T20:57:00.006-06:00

Tolkien, quite possibly the coolest geek ever, is smoking. And happy. You should be both. Take a drag; here's a little late night buzzzz!

!!BUZZ!!
The esteemed writer at I Watch Stuff always tells it like it is, and right now it is Who Won the Golden Globes.

!!BUZZ!!
Bryan Fuller is apparently the one man who can resurrect Heroes. (mostly because Pushing Daisies is already dead, ironically enough...)

!!BUZZ!!
Wait a second. Seth Rogen is going to star in a Simpsons episode about the Comic Book Guy? Oh. Whoops. Eww. Sorry about that. Sorry about the smell. I think my geek glands just flared up.

!!BUZZ!!
And last, and certainly least, Barack Obama will star in an issue of Spider-Man. CHANGE! HOPE! CHANGE! HOPE! COMIC BOOKS!
My thoughts on the matter:

Sorry, that's all I got for right now. Go get your own pop culture cigarettes.

Fleet Foxes at Futurappletree Studio 1

2009-01-12T08:11:00.007-06:00

You might already be gone, to where they’ll take you. It’s not about the if, it’s about the when of it all. Just take it all in and appreciate the things that Robin Pecknold can show you with his choir of accomplices. It’s nothing short of breathtaking for those who make music the way that Fleet Foxes make it are not guided by anything other than invisible hands, attached to the longest arms imaginable, which connect to the ground at some point, but that junction and those directions are completely mysterious. They cannot be traced back to any known heart and that just adds more to the sensational dizziness.
---Sean Moeller, founder of Daytrotter

I'll come right out and say it: I swear I had heard Fleet Foxes and enjoyed them long before they started turning up near the top on every dang hip blogger's "Best Of 2008" list. I had even written the opening of a new screenplay to one of their songs. I swear! Thus I must confess, this little post is not merely for your reading/listening pleasure; I do have something of a hidden agenda. I am establishing the fact that I love the Fleet Foxes' debut album right here and right now (before there is, say, a prominent iPod commercial featuring their song 'White Winter Hymnal').

Now that all of that is out of the way, you should listen to this band's music immediately. I won't bother describing what it sounds like; there are two dozen beautiful descriptions from bloggers far more talented than I. The best description was from a certain infamously harsh online reviewer, who referred to their sound (derogatorily!) as "The Shins doing covers of 'O Brother! Where Art Thou?' songs." That just made me love them more.

Fleet Foxes: Free Music From Daytrotter
Fleet Foxes - Drops In The River
Fleet Foxes - Sun It Rises
Fleet Foxes - White Winter Hymnal
Fleet Foxes - Sun Giant

Matt Cliff: "YOU CAN DANCE!"

2009-01-10T19:29:00.010-06:00

These were the words he shouted in the middle of one of the first guitar solos last night. This was the rallying cry that would be raised again and again.

Sadly I can't---dance, that is.

But if I could, Matt, I promise I would've absolutely danced the pants off of everybody else. Instead, last night I was the awkward guy standing in the middle with everybody and nobody, smoking, then sitting in the dead center of the room, right on the floor, smoking (even more awkwardly). But even so I still salute the fact that you gave all of us awkward indie music-goers the go-ahead, the freedom, the--I dare say--carte blanche, to dance. It might not sound all that important, but it is.

A little background info: I went to see Matt Cliff and Friends play at the Aardvark last night. They were supposed to play the 11:00 slot, but they arrived to find out they were headlining at midnight, which is lucky, because I only got there around 11:59. Man am I glad I didn't miss them.

Whenever you go to any show, the knee-jerk reaction of "I gotta look cool, gotta look cool; I can't look lame for these perfect strangers!!!" inevitably kicks in, but the intensity of this feeling/behavior depends upon many different factors: how many friends accompany you, how well you know the venue, how well you know the band, etc., etc. Luckily, I'd been to the Aardvark multiple times, and I'd seen Matt Cliff play once before and gotten to chat with him a few times. However, this time I had to go alone 'cause I had invited too few friends too late. Thus the need to be "super-uber-mega--ultra-COOL(-and-NOT-LAME!)" was in full gear at the start. But Matt Cliff and Friends, though they certainly rock the house, still exude a care-free low-key mellowness that is blessedly infectious.

So, once they started playing such old favorites as "Shine On Through" and "Captain", some of us danced, more of us sang along, still more tapped their feet and swayed...and yes, a sad few still stood stiffly, drinking their beer and staring awkwardly. But at least there were some who danced, despite the old rule that "Indie Don't Dance."

Therefore, although I didn't 'bust a move', I'm happy to say how quickly I came out of my shell and just enjoyed the music, doing the best I could with clapping, rocking back and forth, and tap-tap-tapping with my foot. So, to repeat: "You CAN dance! You Can! You can DANCE!" But if you don't, if you just sing along, or mouth the words, or sway side-to-side, or tap your feet, or clap your hands, or even just stand there, there had still better be a dumb grin of appreciation on your face, and a few "Whoot!"'s and "Yeah!"'s better escape your lips. 'Cause Matt Cliff and Friends are here for you!

Tonight: Matt Cliff at the Aardvark

2009-01-09T19:02:00.007-06:00

I'm going out tonight to The Aardvark to see Matt Cliff and...some other I'm-sure-they're-cool-ish bands play.

So, wanna come with?

Afternoon Buzz: Steve Martin, Anne Hathaway, Sex Panther

2009-01-09T15:26:00.007-06:00

Oh Audrey. Why can't you explain to this generation why smoking is good for you?

!!BUZZ!!
In 15 or so words: Steven. Martin. Plays. Banjo. Makes. Bluegrass. Album. It's. Called. "The Crow". Coming. Out. Jan. 27.
In one word: BADASS!

!!BUZZ!!
Heroes, everyone's favorite love-to-hate TV show, is supoooooosedly gonna stop sucking and get better soon. We'll see about that. (Hint: Don't get your hopes up. It's prob'ly not.)

!!BUZZ!!
I'll bet you 100 bucks right now that Anne Hathaway is gonna win a Golden Globe this year. Hands down, man. Oh wait. That's right. She already has. Congratulations, Miss Hathaway.

!!BUZZ!!
Here's a pretty simple but pretty cool poster for the upcoming Transformers sequel. Personally, I wish it were for a movie about a dark scary dragon with scary red eyes. The dragon's name is REVENGE!

!!BUZZ!!
Who doesn't love SXSW? Well, they've just posted up a list of some of the bands they're showcasing this year. I wish I could go...

!!BUZZ!!
Does this ring a bell? "Sixty percent of the time, it works everytime!" That's a real product now. Really. Wow.

Ciao.
~Tylooh~

The Maccabees at Futureappletree Studio 1

2009-01-09T14:14:00.007-06:00

Do young men still woo young women by tossing small pebbles at the panes of room windows, soft enough to be detected by the sleeper in the identified room, but silent to all those throughout the rest of the home? Do these pebbles peck off of the glass and carom at 45-degree angles, falling to the flooring of a hanging balcony that recalls settings from important scenes in the plays of Shakespeare? Do young men spend their time gathering sweaty palms still, lying awake making nights worrisome with doubt and unrequited love that almost makes them burst like a water balloon? Do they picture themselves climbing up trellises to take their fair maidens into their arms and really just love them truly, not in the sticky, commercialized, lustful way that you see in the big pictures and on the little screens? If the answer to any of the above questions is yes, or I believe so, then The Maccabees could be the rightful chroniclers of these uncorrupted feelings of innocent love – the kind that Meredith Wilson wrote and Judy Garland sang about.
---Sean Moeller, founder of Daytrotter

The artist we're looking at today is Orlando Bloom, the head singer of the Maccabees. I guess I've been in something of a mellow mood the past few days, because these songs, like Alela Diane's, are calm and acoustic; the music itself is quiet, almost hushed, but the words to which the music conforms are nothing short of the boyish heartstrings-on-your-sleeves realization that "I'm in love, but I don't know exactly what that means or what do about it."

Also, I've recently decided I'm a sucker for British accents; I think it's part of being here at the College of St. Thomas More--you can't come unless you are capable of becoming an anglophile. So then, let's indulge in a little anglophilia and a little star-gazing and boyish crushes, and let's listen to Orlando Bloom of the Maccabees try and lull us into love. (First I strongly suggest you read Sean's full review below; it is spot on, and has a lot to say about the different types of loves sung of in songs.)

The Maccabees' Daytrotter Session
The Maccabees - Welcome to Daytrotter
The Maccabees - First Love
The Maccabees - Good Ol' Bill
The Maccabees - Precious Time
The Maccabees - Toothpaste Kisses

Activate Instant Netflix Queue. Engage!

2009-01-08T19:27:00.006-06:00

The last good thing I watched on Instant Netflix was "Winter Passing", with Zooey Deschanel, Ed Harris, and Will Ferrell. I saw that sometime last week. Since then I have seen half-way-through a half dozen terrible films. Now, here's what's currently gracing my Instant Queue:

1.
"Red Lights (Feux Rouges)"

2.
"Game 6"

3.
"Zero Effect"

4.
"Morvern Callar"

5.
"Twelve and Holding"

I've only seen Zero Effect before. I expect to absolutely hate half of the others, and absolutely love the other half. I'll get back to you once I've finished watching them.

UPDATE: Or not. :P

Evening Buzz: Iron Man 2, Jim Carry, Bosque Brown...

2009-01-08T17:18:00.012-06:00

Time for a little late evening buzz.

!!BUZZ!!
Mickey Rourke and Sam Rockwell are in talks to play the villains Whiplash and Justin Hammer in Iron Man 2.

!!BUZZ!!
Since when is Jim Carry the right guy to play Scrooge? And why are we letting the dude who directed Beowulf(*involuntary gag*) get within twenty feet of A Christmas Carol?

!!BUZZ!!
The blog "Music For Kids Who Don't Read Good" has some nice best of '08 lists. Here are their picks for tv shows, albums, and songs. Some of the goodies mentioned therein: Fleet Foxes, Of Montreal, Mountain Goats, Headlights, Vampire Weekend, Sun Kil Moon, Fringe, 30 Rock, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, and Lost.

!!LOCAL BUZZ!!
And lastly, coming from the local corner, here is weshotjr.com's interview with Texas folk/country singer/songwriter Bosque Browne. Her new album, Baby, comes out in March!

Afternoon Buzz: Judd Apatow, Joss Whedon, Dr. Who...

2009-01-07T17:18:00.008-06:00

Looks like Audrey is ready for her afternoon buzz. Are YOU?

!!BUZZ!!
Here's the first look at Judd Apatow's upcoming comedy "Year One", which features Michael Cera, Paul Rudd, Jack Black, Oliver Platt, David Cross, and Christopher Mintz-Plasse, among others. Well, sound great; I'm always up for an Apatow flick. My only concern is the fact that Jack Black (who, while admittedly being capable of giving funny performances, is also a d*****bag) is gleefully hopeful that the movie will offend many people's religious sentiments. Pfft.

!!BUZZ!!
Joss Whedon has been interviewed by Brian Ford Sullivan about his new show "Dollhouse." I've been a big fan of Joss Whedon ever since I saw Firefly and Serenity (though I've never really seen Buffy), and I'm very excited to see Dollhouse; however, there have supposedly been a lot of problems with its production. Joss says in the interview that the original pilot script was scrapped in favor of another--even though the original has already gone to film! Here's hoping it all works out for the best.

!!BUZZ!!
If you know me at all, you'll realize that at times I can be ridiculously snobby and artsy-fartsy when it comes to my preference for eclectic indie music and quirky, bizarre indie movies, especially those ill-named indie "dramedies". Thus I am very excited to see the upcoming indie "dramedy" 'Sunshine Cleaning'. Here's a brand new bland poster for it. So, the question is, does Alan Arkin now only make quirky indie dramedies that focus on a struggling dysfunctional family, an odd kid, and have "Sunshine" as the prominent, catchy word in the title? One can only hope.

!!BUZZ!!
Simon Pegg and Robert Weide have seriously told fans in the US *NOT* to buy the DVD of their movie "How to Lose Friends and Alienate People". Wanna know why?

!!BUZZ!!
In anticipation of Matt Smith becoming the 11th Dr. Who, Wired has written up a piece recounting the litany of the ten other Time Lords and their famed history.

!!BUZZ!!
Apparently, this Australian commercial was the "most complained about commercial of 2008". I'm with the Geekologist on this one; it could have been a looooot worse, considering the genre of the product it's advertising.

!!BUZZ!!
This one's good for a laugh, or at least a mild chuckle. It's a captioned screenshot from Christian Bale's new Terminator movie.

!!BUZZ!!
Oh, Bollywood. You're so silly. You're such a cute and silly baby Bollywood, Bollywood. Why are you trying to remake Back to the Future?

!!BUZZ!!
Huh. A movie about a team of midgets playing basketball with Dennis Rodman as Dennis Rodman...why didn't I think of that? Oh, that's right. It's because I still have a soul. Score 1 for Tyler; Satan, dwarfs, and Dennis Rodman, 0.

!!BUZZ!!
And finally, if you're caught wearing a Hawaiian shirt within the next few days, someone might think it's a sign of your grief.

Ciao.

Alela Diane at Futureappletree Studio 1

2009-01-07T02:47:00.010-06:00

OK then, before we get started, a little introduction:
"Daytrotter" is a recording studio and a website site run by Sean Moeller in Rock Island, Illinois. Hundreds and hundreds of up-and-coming indie bands of all shapes, sizes, and sounds flock here to record new songs and new versions of old songs. Every day Daytrotter receives a new band which will record 4 songs; every week there are 7 new bands and 28 new songs. On the Daytrotter website, you can download literally thousands and thousands of songs LEGALLY and FOR FREE! I myself have already added nearly seven hundred songs to my iTunes library.
Let me explain how cool this all is to you in another way -- Whitney Mattheson of Pop Candy placed Sean Moeller, the founder of Daytrotter, at # 77 on her "Top 100 People of 2008" list!

Now, in the website's own words:

What Daytrotter is attempting to do is to not kid around with you and tell you that we found something that you never knew existed. We are going to contribute to the musical landscape, not just toss it around like a used book or a stolen pick-up line. We’re going to give you something that you truly have never heard. We are not giving you songs from someone you love’s record album, thereby stealing from someone you love. We’re giving you exclusive, re-worked, alternate versions of old songs and unreleased tracks by some of your favorite bands and by a lot of your next favorite bands. (...)
These fine people – as they’re traveling through America’s heartland – take two hours out of their travels between shows to stop in for a Daytrotter Session at Futureappletree Studio One in downtown Rock Island, Ill. The name of the city is not ironic. They use borrowed instruments, play with their touring mates, utilize an often unkempt toilet, eat some food and then cram back into their vans for the last half of the drive. What they leave behind is a pile of ashes, sometimes a forgotten stocking hat and four absolutely collectible songs that often impart on whomever listens to them the true intensity that these musicians put into their art, sometimes with more clarity than they do when they have months to tinker with overdubs and experiments. These songs are them as they are on that particular day, on that particular tour – dirty and alive. We want you to make this your new home as it is ours. We promise that you will love it here. (...)
The Daytrotter recordings are made with minimal mic’ing, through discrete preamps and with some limiting to the mixing console, where they are printed to 1/4” analog tape running at 15 inches per second (usually BASF 468). The analog master is later transferred to a computer and converted to MP3.
There is no set formula or pattern to the recordings, no specific mic setup, etc. They are all live, no overdubs, straight to tape. What you hear is what happened in the room that day.

{about Daytrotter}

Now that that little intro's out of the way, let's commence with the first installment of Your Dayly Dose Of Daytrotter, featuring Alela Diane! I highly recommend her; she is a folk singer/songwriter who uses simple, understated intstrumentation to better emphasize her beautifully lilting and haunting voice and her full-wrought lyrics. My favorite song on the first session is "White As Diamonds"; on the second my favorites are "Age Old Blue" and "Oh My Mama", which I think are her best songs to date.

Here's Alela Diane's 1st Daytrotter Session (May 11, 2007)
Alela Diane - Welcome to Daytrotter
Alela Diane - My Brambles
Alela Diane - The Rifle
Alela Diane - To Be Still
Alela Diane - White As Diamonds

Alela Diane's 2nd Daytrotter Session (September 27, 2007)
Alela Diane - Welcome (again) to Daytrotter
Alela Diane - Age Old Blue
Alela Diane - Dry Grass and Shadows
Alela Diane - Oh My Mama!
Alela Diane - The Alder Trees

Ciao, folks. Happy Sounds.

Afternoon Buzz: Spiderman the Musical?!?

2009-01-06T16:31:00.007-06:00

Alright, Bogart. Start puffing away. Here's your afternoon buzz:

!!BUZZ!!
Apparently, some deranged big-shot producer was so happy with the success of Peter Parker's jazzy goofiness in Spider-Man 3 that he thought it would be a GOOD IDEA to produce a broadway musical version of the webhead's many escapades. Here are my thoughts:

But wait, it gets even better; this musical is being written by none other than U2's **THE EDGE** (with some help from that famous Robin-Williams-look-a-like).Wow. I think Bono should host a reality talent show on national television in which the American public gets to choose who plays our web-slinging hero. They can call it "So You Think You Can Do Whatever A Spider Can?"! Aaaanyway, you can read all about this upcoming masterpiece right here.

In other somewhat buzz-worthy news:

!!BUZZ!!
Here's a piece by the New York Times on some of the new female members of the SNL cast. Yay. Now if they could only get some good writers, or Justin Timberlake to quit his music career and join them as a fulltime cast member...
!!BUZZ!!
Here's the official word on when Quentin Tarantino's INGLORIOUS BASTERDS will hit theaters.(!!!)

Ciao.

Activate First Post. Engage!

2009-01-06T13:46:00.006-06:00

Welcome to Cowtown & Coolage, a distinctively fortworthian blog about pop culture, indie culture, geek culture, and of course, the culture, i.e. real culture. Since this is my very first first post, I'll try and keep it ehm...brief.

...
...
...

Ok. I got nothing. That was brief enough.

~Tyler Awesome Coolage~

Note: Yes, this is an actual photograph of myself. As can obviously be seen, Christian Bale is a me-wannabe.