Thursday, June 25, 2009

It's Official: "Heroes" is COMPLETELY unsalvageable, and there is *NO* reason on God's green earth why you should ever watch it ever again. EVER.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

...As if you didn't know that already half-way through Season 3.)

But I'm getting ahead of myself. I'm sure someone out there (probably not a very bright someone, or maybe just a Norwegian someone) must be asking, "Why, Tyler? Why is it that you think Heroes is sooooo bad? I mean, I kinda like it."

Well, Jan, I'll tell you.

The reason why Heroes now sucks AND blows is this:

(Okay, this really happened 3 days ago, but nothing I ever report is actually "New new" News)

Oh, but not to worry, folks! Greg Grunberg, AKA Matt Parkman, AKA Officer Donuts, AKA The Turtle Whisperer, reassures us with these brief but eloquent words:
...The scripts for season 4 and the stories we're about to tell will ROCK YOUR WORLD. BEST. SEASON. EVER.

Well, that's a relief.

But wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. WAIT A MINUTE, folks! Greggy has actually sent us in a little preview, a little sneak peak at the Heroes season 4 premiere! The clip is kinda confusing, so I might need to sort it all out for you before you give it a watch.

In the near future, Sylar has again abandoned his quest to win the Guiness world record for most brains eaten by a non-Fiji-Islander to enjoy the simple pleasures of family life. In this scene, Sylar is walking his "dog", Noah (who's really a shapeshifted HRG!!!!), with his two new best friends and life-partners, Butcher Boy and T-Bone (T-Bone's the guy with the awesome mystical magical Steak-morphing powers). And then...Noah goes nuts and Sylar loses his sunglasses and, then, then things just get a little out of hand.

P.S. Jan, I think you're very intelligent, and only slightly Norwegian. But you should have given up on Heroes a LONG long time ago...


Francis Shivone said...

I never could get into Heroes. Did you ever find out the future life of LIFE?

Tyler Awesome Coolage said...

It's a sad, sad day, my friend. LIFE is officially dead.

It came to me as a greater shock that it might have been otherwise, because one of the blogs I followed posted a link about its renewal, but I found out a week later that the link turned out to be more than a year old!

I am really, really, really gonna miss that show; I'm gonna start watching it over with a few friends this summer, I think. At least the fans were left with a little bit of closure by the series finale.

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