Will Ferrell's "Sexy Hot Tan" Sunscreen

Wanna know the funniest part?

It's REAL.

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The Best Thing Ever...

Conor Oberst,

M. Ward,

& Jim James of My Morning Jacket

are all coming together to make

A SUPERGROUP ALBUM PRODUCED BY MIKE MOGIS CALLED

"M O N S T E R S O F F O L K",

aaaaaaaaaaaand

Now you can download

their 1st single,

"Say Please",

HERE!

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FREAKY-DEAKY MUPPET DISCO!

Sorry, folks, for the obvious lack of postage. I've been tryin' to be more "responsible" this last week, tryin' to get one of those coveted "J-O-B's" or whatever. But you know me: I always put responsibility on the back-burner for crazy muppet musical numbers.





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LIBERTY, JUSTICE, & FREEDOM FOR ALL.

--And Cordelia Chase draped in the Stars & Stripes. *sniff*. It's just so.....beautiful!

God bless America, and have a happy 4th o' July!

Now then: go destroy some tea shipments or something.

That is all.

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"The Informant" Trailer: From the guy who directed Ocean's 11, 12, *AND* 13!

This is likely Steven Soderbergh's pitch for this film:

"It's like Matt Damon, only less suave, intelligent, and killer-like, more bumbling, corn-obsessed, and mustachey!"

It was either that or

Corn? Corn? Corn?!?

COOOOOOOOOOOOORRRN!!!@!!@1!1!!1

(And that's a pitch I'd act on.)

Well, it looks pretty good. I especially like that Joel McHale & Tony Hale (The host of 'The Soup' & Buster Bluth, respectively) are part of the supporting cast. I love those guys & wish they'd get more roles in film & television.

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Local Amateur Plays Alongside Other No-Name Acts...

(click to enlarge)

Who is this 'Morrison' fellow and what makes him good enough to share my Christian name? Maybe it's his dashing good looks, or maybe it's how he plays a mean GIHtahr, or that perrrty voice & mad lyrical genius of his...........

.....Nah, it's gotta be his shamrock luck with the ladies.

[/shameless self-promotion]




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"THE LAST AIRBENDER" TEASER TRAILER!!!!!1!!@@!1!!!!1@!!!!!!!@!!!!!!!1!!!!1!!!!!!!1

This post title deserved WAY more exclamation points than the admittedly !!!-worthy Buffy/Twilight youtube mashup. I'm pretty sure this more than makes up for M. Night Shyamalan's recent mediocrity. In point of fact, it is so awesome that I am going to break my Vow of No F-Bombs.

Everybody! Everybody! Look, look! It's AVA-fucking-TAR!!!


I was so worried this was gonna end up being just another cra-ra-raaaappy little anime adaptation, but this trailer put aside all worries. I mean, this trailer made me swoooon. *Twice.* (once for faithful adaption of Ang's cute little blue arrow tattoo on his forehead, and once again for the faithful adaptation of the Fire Nation's awesome iron ships and their fire-y bombardment!)

Seriously, if you haven't watched the cartoon, go slit your wrists. Afterwards, go rent the DVDs. Then watch this trailer again, and tell me you're not as jazzed, excited, AND psyched as I am.


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Oh NOES! Not Edward! EDWAAAAARD!!!

This is an amazazazazing youtubey mashup.

(Buffy vs. Douchebag AKA Edward Cullen)


Little Buffy Summers' often annoying "Girl Power" thing has never seemed more right and righteous and awesome than at this very moment.



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Guest Post: ‘Go Out and Party Like It’s 1999,’ An Outdated Movie Review

When Tyler asked me to contribute to his blog I was simultaneously flattered and terrified: flattered that he thinks enough of my opinions to include them, terrified that I might be incapable of saying anything interesting to anyone but me. I must admit, I am rarely up-to-date on any subject, entertainment being no exception. I try to read current books but have a hard time finding anything that interests me, so I generally wait for recommendations from friends who stay on top of things; I’m better about webcomics.

I do watch some currently-airing TV shows, but as I usually watch them on hulu.com in between nursing sessions with my three-month-old daughter, even there I am perpetually a few steps behind the rest of the world. The only show I watch religiously as it airs is Craig Ferguson (which Tyler covers more than amply already), and even that will be taken from me with the grand ‘switch to digital’ (I own a digital TV but our apartment complex doesn’t get good reception); I will be reduced to desperately scouring Youtube for clips. Oh, the degredation. All this is by way of saying that I am not going to write about anything new, because I almost never find out about anything new until it is no longer new to anyone but me. I also hate writing reviews.

Anyway, my husband and I have a Netflix account (I could spend an entire post extolling Netflix, but I won’t) and I have decided that this summer is all about Asian cinema. Let me pause for a moment here to allow for snide comments from the peanut gallery regarding manga/manwha, anime, crazy Japanese porn and/or pop music. Take it away, JH and K.

Pause.

(.....................................)

Okay. Instead of going in all directions, let’s talk Zhang Yimou. Most everybody has seen ‘Hero,’ ‘House of Flying Daggers,’ and ‘Curse of the Golden Flower,’ but before you go lumping all of this man’s films into one big ‘Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon’ lump, let me point out that first of all, Ang Lee directed that movie, and second that there is much more to Zhang’s film repertoire than (admittedly awesome) fighting. I haven’t watched everything yet (my queue on Netflix has about 250 movies of all kinds in quite a jumbled order), but I’ve seen enough to form an opinon, and that opinion is: get off your ass and rent ‘The Road Home.’

I liked ‘Shanghai Triad’ pretty well (I think this film was a let-down for me on account of thirteen years’ worth of anticipation; I remember seeing a preview for it when I was about 10 years old and being fascinated by Gong Li), and enjoyed ‘The Story of Qiu Ju’ very much (I recommend it as well), but this movie blew me away. I haven’t read any critics’ reviews of it, and I don’t have to. I don’t need Roger Ebert to tell me that I ought to like this movie because the style and the cinematography and political undertones are blah, blah, blah… I’m not a film snob. I don’t know about film-snobbish things, and I don’t really care about them. I appreciate shit blowing up as much as the next person. I simply enjoy a good story, and I am more than willing to put up with subtitles if I’m going to get one. (Even if you can’t stand subtitles, this one is worth the pain.) I don’t even know how to begin to write a review of this that will convince you to watch this movie, but here goes:

‘The Road Home’ (1999) is very simple, very tender (not saccharine), and almost reverent story. What is it about? It begins and ends with views of a road, and the title includes the word ‘road,’ so I think one can safely assume that this film is about a road—a very specific Road, in fact, one which leads to a tiny Chinese village. There are two overlapping storylines in the film, one present, one past. The present, filmed in black-and-white, is this: a man’s father has died so he returns to his hometown, where he learns that his stubborn, grieving mother wishes that her husband, the village schoolteacher for forty years, be honored with an old, outdated custom: that his casket be carried by the men of the village down the well-worn road to his place of burial while his friends shout out to him; in this way his spirit might always be able to find its way home. This presents a problem for a village short on men, especially considering that the story takes place in winter in an especially harsh climate. While attempting to find a solution to this problem, the narrator tells, in vivid color, the story of the past and of his parents’ courtship: a love that takes place along that same road, a love beginning when the then-young schoolteacher follows it to an unfamiliar village where a beautiful girl in pigtail braids and a red coat sees him for the first time, a love growing as she shyly follows him down it, day after day, from a distance when he walks his students home, as she finally, in a moment of sheer feminine wilyness, ‘accidentally’ leaves the basket behind for him to pick up and return to her, a love tested when he is called away and she first chases him down it and then waits for him along it, a love fulfilled when he returns to her faithfully as promised. The end of the movie returns to the present, but I won’t spoil that for you. It’s not a shocking plot-twister, but it is better seen than told about.

I was surprised by this movie. It’s not fast-paced, and large periods have little-to-no dialogue, but it doesn’t drag at all—I never even once looked at the clock (this happens to me a lot when watching movies that bore me). The romance isn’t very exciting, but is moving nonetheless. It feels genuine. I think actually that might be a good word to describe the whole movie: it’s genuine, very heartfelt, (again) very reverent. I actually sat down and watched it again, which I never do except with ‘Strictly Ballroom.’ I read that this was Zhang Ziyi’s first movie—that, too, was surprising. She is excellent... and whatever magic Zhang Yimou employs to film as beautifully as he does is well worth it; everything is gorgeous. The movie is gorgeous. If I haven’t convinced you to go see this movie yet, then I will instead command you: go forth and watch ‘The Road Home.’ I don’t know yet if it’s Zhang Yimou’s best film since I haven’t seen them all, but I’ve definitely marked it on my list of favorite movies.

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It's An Animation Celebration! (sorry...)

I saw a documentary a few weeks ago called The Pixar Story (available on Instant Netflix). In an interview with Bob Iger (the new CEO of Disney and Michael Eisner’s replacement) he spoke about the troubles Disney has had the past ten years or so.

There's more...

While it is true Eisner presided over the production of some of the best work the Walt Disney Company has ever done, beginning around 1994 he began slowly driving the company into the ground. Eisner is responsible for the departure of Jeffrey Katzenberg (who left to found Dreamworks), the shift of Disney’s focus to The Disney Channel (i.e., Lizzie McGuire, Even Stevens, Hannah Montana, etc.), and, as Roy E. Disney (Walt Disney’s nephew) said upon his resignation, the devolution of Disney into a “rapacious, soul-less” company.

In the interview, Iger recounted how shortly after he took over, during the Main Street Parade at Disney World, he realized which floats were getting the loudest cheers. They were the classic Disney films like Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, and Pinocchio and the classic modern films like Beauty & the Beast, The Little Mermaid, and The Lion King.

The difference between these and some of the not-so-classic Disney features like Pocahontas, Hercules, and Lilo & Stitch, it seemed to Iger, was quite simply the story-telling. Where Eisner had decided to end all production of traditional animation in favor of Pixar-style 3D, Iger realized the reason Pixar had been trouncing Disney at the box office from the beginning wasn’t the animation style, but that they knew how to create good characters and tell good stories.

Iger said that this epiphany is in fact what led him to end the Eisner-instigated Disney/Pixar feud and effectively merge the two companies, putting Pixar in charge of Disney’s creative side, and the current Disney people in charge of the marketing and business side.

Iger has it exactly right. I think (at least subconsciously) we all recognize the two great eras in animation—the First and Second Golden Ages. The first includes the great early Disney features:

Tell me as you looked through each of those pictures your heart didn't swell.

Disney's work from Snow White in 1937 through Sleeping Beauty in 1957 (or perhaps One Hundred and One Dalmations in 1961) was the best it ever did. This First Golden Age of Animation was not limited to feature-length films, however. This is also the age of Looney Tunes and Tom & Jerry.

From 1957 forward Disney did good work, but it wasn't quite the same caliber as what had come before (perhaps due to Walt Disney's death in 1966). This era saw the release of The Sword in the Stone, The Jungle Book, The Aristocats, Robin Hood, The Rescuers, The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh, The Fox and the Hound, The Black Cauldron, The Great Mouse Detective, The Brave Little Toaster, and Oliver & Company.

I know some of you are screaming at the computer screen right now. Many of these are near and dear to my heart as well, but I think it is safe to say that, on the whole, they don't carry the weight of a Cinderella or a Bambi.

But we said there are two Golden Ages. In 1989 Disney released The Little Mermaid, beginning a new series of classics:

Earlier we said that it was around The Lion King's release in 1994 that Eisner began the downward spiral--the features got progressively worse: A Goofy Movie, Pocahontas, The Hunchback of Notre Dame, Hercules, Mulan, Tarzan, Dinosaur, The Emperor's New Groove, Atlantis, Lilo & Stitch, Treasure Planet, Brother Bear, Home on the Range, Chicken Little, Meet the Robinsons.

Granted, a couple of these don't quite count as they're in 3D and a couple are pretty good, but it's the trend that's important. It's no wonder Eisner decided to focus on The Disney Channel, direct-to-DVD sequels, and merchandise. All I can say is thank God Pixar has taken over.

But, of course, like the First Golden Age, the Second was not limited to the big screen either. The late 80s and 90s saw the best cartoons for television ever produced. It is these that we will consider in the upcoming sequel to this post: "Saturday Morning Classics".

Thank you all for allowing Cowtown & Coolage's Chief Star Trek Correspondant this chance to branch out.

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A Song Of Ice & Fire ... via SOUTH PARK.

This, my friends, is all kinds of awesome.

GRRM's NOT A BLOG: "A Change of Plans'






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Craig Might Be Giants

The Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson (June 3, 2009)

"Istanbul (Not Constantinople)"
SINGING, DANCING PUPPET EXTRAVAGANZA opener

This is THE BEST THING EVER. Period.



An Awkward & Hilarious Interview W/ Burn Notice's Gabrielle Anwar




"What Did We Learn On The Show Tonight, Craig?"
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Wokka Wokka!

Okay. It's official. I am in love with Craig Ferguson. I love him. I love him, and I want to make babies with him. I will bear his children.

In an effort to keep myself from finally hijacking my own pop culture blog and turning into a creepy little fansite devoted entirely to "that Scottish Conan guy", I have decided that every night I will post a few clips from the previous night's Late Late Show. Now, as I meant to publish this post yesterday, you, my lucky readers, actually get a double-dose of Craig McFerguson's sexy madness. I'll be posting up bits from last night's show later this evening.

So then...2 nights' previous, Craig had on Dennis Leary as the lead guest, and he was forced to 'bump' the comic who was supposed to follow, one 'Fozzy Bear'. Below is the opening bit from the June 2nd episode, which takes the exact formula of the orignal Muppet Show and makes it extra awesome with a side of rotf.


"Don't EVER touch me. Don't."


"What Did We Learn On The Show Tonight, Craig?"

Pooooor Fozzy.

Go HERE for more Craig. And check out that guy's friggin' wallpaper!
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"there's a green one & a pink one & a blue one & a yellow one..."

"...and they're all made out of ticky tacky, and they all look just the same."

Recognize those lyrics? That's the last four lines of the first stanza of Melvina Reynolds' ironically cheerful ditty, "Little Boxes," which was made famous as the theme of my new favorite TV show, Weeds. However, that odd, quirky, dark soccer-mom-drug-dealer dramedy deserves a whole 'nother post -- a whole score of other posts, in fact. As you may have already guessed by now, we're just concerned with the Weeds theme song today. You see, one of the many brilliant little details of the show is that during its 2nd and 3rd seasons, each episode began with a different cover of Melvina's "Little Boxes." It is truly an addictive song, a fun and simple melody with catchy lyrics, the kind that get stick in your head forever...but in a good way. Anywhoo, below are a dozen or so of the afore-mentioned covers from some spectacular artists, including Elvis Costello, Regina Spektor, The Shins, Jenny Lewis, Johnathan Rice, and the Decemberists. My only regret is that Zooey hasn't done one as She & Him, seeing as she was the special guest star of 3 or 4 episodes.


Melvina Reynolds - Little Boxes

The original - a happy-go-lucky little tune about cookie-cutter suburban houses (i.e. ticky-tacky little boxes) and the frighteningly happy & squeaky-clean WASP clones that inhabit them. It makes you want to whistle while you work.


Pete Seeger - Little Boxes (covering Melvina Reynolds)

Pete was a good friend of Melvina Reynolds, who at one point said that he played "Little Boxes" so well that most people thought he was the original composer. Listen to all the goofy laughter of his audience in the background.


Roger Scime - Little Boxes (soooooorta loosely covering Melvina Reynolds)

It's obvious that Robert's uh...expanding upon Melvina's song (more like putting a little of his spin to it). I do love the bit about "The Wal-Mart & the Wal-Mart & the Sam's Club & the Wal-mart" and the rent-a-cops. Tarnation, is this not the most whistlable tune ever?


Elvis Costello - Little Boxes (covering Melvina Reynolds)

It's Elvis Costello. Need I say more?


Regina Spektor - Little Boxes (covering Melvina Reynolds)

I love this here piano gal and her rendition of "Little Boxes." It doesn't get much more melodic than this.


Christopher O'Riley - Little Boxes (covering Melvina Reynolds)

Speakin'a pianos, here's the only instrumental version of "Little Boxes" on the list. I was unable to get the string orchestra version, which is of course lovely as well.


The Shins - Little Boxes (covering Melvina Reynolds)

I like the Shins a lot. [sarcasm]I know, I'm original. No one else likes them. That's why I like them so much. No one has ever heard of, much less liked, the Shins. This is a good cover by this young upstart band, a relative unknown.[/sarcasm]


Jenny Lewis & Johnathan Rice - Little Boxes (covering Melvina Reynolds)

I keep tellin' my friends we should play "Six Degrees of Conor Oberst" as he is the indie music equivalent of Kevin Bacon. I first listened to Bright Eyes 4 years ago, and through a love of him, all his collaborators, and their gorgeously unique work, I began seeking out the music of Jenny Lewis, Rilo Kiley, The Postal Service, Death Cab For Cutie, M. Ward, Neva Dinova, Maria Taylor, Johnathan Rice, She & Him, etc., etc, etc. So, Conor Oberst is connected to Melvina Reynolds, Elvis Costello, yadda, yadda, blah, blah, blah. Okay, I'm done.


Linkin Park - Little Boxes (covering Melvina Reynolds)

One tiny shiny bit of poppy goodness. Not a big fan of Linkin Park, but they do a great cover here.


As The Crow Flies - Little Boxes (covering Melvina Reynolds)

Right now, I am in heaven. That is all.


Nara Leão - Little Boxes (covering Melvina Reynolds)

A cover from the only Brazilian singer on the list, and coincidentally, it happens to be in Brazilianese. A beautiful, beautiful version, to be sure. I love hearing "ticky tacky" surrounded by a bunch of exotic-sounding foreign words.


The Decemberists - Little Boxes (covering Melvina Reynolds)

Well, my friends, I have saved the best for last. I mean, my absolute favorite band here in Fort Worth is The Theater Fire, and TTF is basically The Decemberists with a heaping dose of old-school country and a dash of mariachi added to their big group dark folk. This, my friends, is the best cover on the list, the best version of "Little Boxes" aside from the original. Hands down. And here's why, in Chris Funk's own words:

we thought it would be appropriate to have the chord progression shift to a minor key, suggesting a bit of tension and more directly, a darker tone. The song really isn’t that cheery when you dig a little deeper and get past that sweet voice and melody, in reality quite depressing…ah life.

True dat, true dat.

(Hit the jump for the full set of lyrics and one scandalous promo photo of Mary Louise-Parker [the show's star]).


Little boxes on the hillside,
Little boxes made of ticky tacky,
Little boxes on the hillside,
Little boxes all the same.
There's a green one and a pink one
And a blue one and a yellow one,
And they're all made out of ticky tacky
And they all look just the same.

And the people in the houses
All went to the university,
Where they were put in boxes
And they came out all the same,
And there's doctors and lawyers,
And business executives,
And they're all made out of ticky tacky
And they all look just the same.

And they all play on the golf course
And drink their martinis dry,
And they all have pretty children
And the children go to school,
And the children go to summer camp
And then to the university,
Where they are put in boxes
And they come out all the same.

And the boys go into business
And marry and raise a family
In boxes made of ticky tacky
And they all look just the same.
There's a green one and a pink one
And a blue one and a yellow one,
And they're all made out of ticky tacky
And they all look just the same.


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Craig Ferguson on evil vampires... and their genitals.....

FIRST OFF: This is Cowtown & Coolage's 50th post! Yay! Can I get a "woot!"? And it's almost been half a year since I started this blog. Dang. 6 months and only 50 entries? That's like not even 10 posts per month on average. Hell, that's not even 9 posts a month. *Sniff*. I'm so lazy. *Sniff*Sniff*. I guess this is what happens when you are distracted from distraction by distraction.

SECONDLY: Man, how did I miss Conan's first Tonight Show?! He took his rightful place on the 10:30-11:30 slot, and I didn't get to watch it. Damn.

THIRDLY: This pain is partially mitigated, as Craig's visit from "The Rerun Fairy" has ended; now the "Live Fairy" is here to stay on the Late Late Show. And last night was a particularly great episode; Craig was at his goofiest/silliest/angriest/craziest/sexiest/Scottishest. (read: best).

Anywhoo, here's an awesome little video from the youtubes in which Guillermo Del Toro and Craig Ferguson say everything I tried so hard to say in that long loooooong rant concerning those durnded bloodsucking vampires. And of course, Craig Ferguson says it so much better, that funny Scottish Conan basterd!




And now for "What Did We Learn On The Show Tonight, Craig?"


Mmmmmmmmm. 2 Late Late hosts wrestling naked live? OoOooOoOoooOoooOOoOooOOOHhHhh!!!
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Black Cab Sessions - Cabbies Never Had It So Good

A few days ago I was catching up on a bunch of the music blogs I follow on Google reader, and one of them mentioned some band or another being featured on some website called the "Black Cab Sessions." I was intrigued, so I checked it out. And wow. Just wow. This site is the best little slice of indie pie since Daytrotter, and that, my friends, is saying something, something serious. When I first happened upon the the site, I spent a good hour just cramming and cramming as much musical goodness as I could handle in one sitting. And now I keep coming back for more.

So, what are the Black Cab Sessions? Well, in their own words:

"THE SESSIONS ARE ALL ABOUT GREAT MUSIC AND THE VENUE STRIPS THIS TO ITS ESSENCE."

What, then is this great venue? Why, the back seat of a little black cab, of course! What these people do is this: they get in touch with some of the best (and I mean the best) up-and-coming indie bands and catch them just before or after they play a gig. Then they share a cab ride to wherever the bands are headed, and along the way they record the artists as they play a one-song one-take stripped-down acoustic session. I am always in favor of 'stripping down' a set. I figure if a song is really good, then the live acoustic version will probably be even better. That's the Black Cab Sessions' above-mentioned philosophy: stripping a song down to its bare and beautiful essence. And let me tell you, they have be-a-utiful songs to start out with. I mean, Fleet Foxes, Peter and the Wolf, Death Cab For Cutie, Bon Iver, Dawn Landes, Calexico, Daniel Johnston, Spoon, My Morning Jacket, The New Pornographers, Damien Jurado, Doves -- these are just a few of the amazing artists with whom they've shared a taxi. Hell, it almost makes me wanna become a taxi driver just for the off chance that I might get the opportunity to see some of these guys perform some of their best material just a foot away from me. In fact, it makes me go "Oo0o00oOOooO0Oo00OoOoh!"

Long story kinda short, you should go there. Nowish. In fact, you should go RIIIIGHT NOW.

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We're Back! (Oo0o00oOOooO0Oo00OoOoh!)

Not much to say at the moment, but school's out and Cowtown & Coolage is officially back in business.

I do have one little thing to whet your pop culture appetite -- Late Night. Who will you watch this summer, if at all? Letterman? Leno's new show? Conan's coming back June 1st, which is very exciting. However, I don't reaaaaally care about those guys so much now, despite my long love of Conan. Why? Because I've switched over to the psychotic Scottish Late Late Show host, Craig Ferguson. You know, Mr. Wick...from the Drew Carey show? He is hands-down the funniest guy on late night. If his show were 3 hours long, I would still watch it. In fact, I think that his monologue should be one straight hour long. The man is funniest by himself, a crazy, witty, random improve-master... more Conan than Conan himself (no offense, O'Brien).

sooooooo.....

....here's a pic and a clip from an episode from a few weeks ago, on Salvador Dali's birthday.

Oo0o00oOOooO0Oo00OoOoh!

UPDATE:
And here by Emily's request is the hilarious little skit he did with fellow Scotsman, Ewan McGregor! (it also features some craaAaAaaaAaAaAaaaAaazy mustaches...)
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Top Ten Next Gen

Once, a very long time ago, an unabashed and undeniably evil Positivist/Progressivist named Gene Roddenberry invented something called Star Trek.



(Continue reading Thomas' overview of 'Trek' after jump. Many strange photos to follow.)

Ta da!

Also, it was the 60s...



The effects were bad...



Did I mention the effects were bad?



The characters were hollow. The writing was obvious and preachy. And Star Trek's vision of the future was generally short-sighted. But it was the 60s...



The Original Series should be discussed, absolutely. But not here. And not by me.

Due to the aforementioned 60s quality of The Original Series (and the unavoidable continuity issues involved in a 20-year span between it and The Next Generation), it is fitting, I think, to recognize two Star Trek canons: one including Kirk, etc. and their escapades, and another including everything else (i.e., The Next Generation, Deep Space Nine, Voyager, and movies VII-X.

On 28 September 1987, The Next Generation premiered, ushering in a new era for Trek. Finally, Star Trek's take on science fiction could be realized. There was only one problem. It was the 80s...



Did I mention it was the 80s?

But, the fundamentals were there, and, more importantly, Next Gen fought against its inheritance (of both The Original Series and the 80s).

At the end of Season One, Tasha Yar, Head of Security=dead...



Her death, though tragic as it was somewhat meaningless, was a blessing in the end. With her went one of the 80s-est elements of the show. Ironically, she was killed by the 80s-est of aliens. I give you Armus...



Tasha was replaced as Head of Security/Tactical Officer by Mr. Worf, resident Klingon (a much more sensible choice for the position, obviously)...



Just look at all those forehead ridges! He must mean business.



Worf angry!

Season Three introduced new uniforms, with an all-new 90s cut...

Before:



After:



Deanna's hair grew less permy as the seasons progressed, and in Season Six she finally abandoned her 80s catsuit...



Oh, and they got that damned kid off the bridge. What the balls were you thinking Picard? This is fecking Starfleet, not Lake Winnebago Summer Camp!



Look at him. Look how dumb he is. Jesus.

But I said that Next Gen fought against its inheritance of The Original Series. Quite. Next Gen redid the Klingons (now with forehead ridges, as we saw). They were a culture this time, not just hand-me-down Mongols. Next Gen redid the science part of science fiction; i.e., it kinda started to make sense. More importantly, the stories became compelling, and their effect on the characters. Of course, it's Star Trek, so the dialogue was still preachy, but hey.

In the spirit of recognizing the solid storytelling in Next Gen, what follows is a list of the 10 episodes everyone should see.

10 - The Drumhead



Jump for an episode preview.

Speaking of preachy... This episode epitomizes one of the major elements of the entire show--Picard taking a stand on moral issues, in the face of a corrupt bureaucracy. There is always this tension in Picard, between the Progressivist ideas he's adopted as a Starfleet captain and the Traditional values he was brought up with...in France...even though he has a British accent.

9 - The Nth Degree

Jump for an episode preview.

By far one of the best things about the later seasons of Next Gen was Lieutenant Barclay. Nervous, neurotic, and accident prone make for good ingredients in a lovable character.

8 - Masks



Jump for an episode preview.

Captain Picard could have been an archaeologist. In this episode, he gets to show off his skills. Also, Brent Spiner gets to play a bunch of characters (which happens several times actually...)

7 - Elementary, Dear Data + Ship in a Bottle



and



Jump for a preview of Elementary, Dear Data.

Jump for a preview of Ship in a Bottle.

These two episodes (the first from Season Two and the second from Season Six) are basically the two halves of the same story. Data and Geordi are messing around on the Holodeck in Season Two, playing Sherlock Holmes, and the computer accidentally creates a holographic version of Holmes' archvillain Moriarty self-aware. Trouble ensues.

6 - The Best of Both Worlds, Parts I & II

Jump for a preview of Part I.

Jump for a preview of Part II.

By far the most important contribution Next Gen made to the Star Trek universe (aside from the badass-ness that is Captain Picard) was the Borg. A hive mind of cybernetic drones bent on galactic domination. In this amazing two-parter, Captain Picard becomes one of them! Ack!

5 - Cause and Effect



Jump for an episode preview.

Always in Star Trek (that is, until the travesty that was Enterprise) the coolest episodes involve time travel. They rarely hold up to logic, but they're awesome just the same. In this episode the Enterprise gets caught in a time loop. ...Oh yeah, also, Frasier Crane makes a cameo appearance. Baha.

4 - All Good Things...



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Is it not the worst when good shows just kind of fizzle away, or jump the shark and end on a low note. Thankfully, Next Gen wasn't one of those. Its finale really satisfied. Plus, it involved time travel.

3 - Darmok



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Now this is just a really, really good episode. One of Trek's biggest cop outs has been the Universal Translator. Basically it makes everybody speak English. Which is dumb. In this episode, it stops working--rather, it can't translate these guys' language. So they've gotta figure it out. Turns out it's a super cool language, P.S.

2 - Chain of Command, Parts I & II



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Captain Picard steps down as captain of the Enterprise and goes on a black ops mission. Also, he gets captured and tortured by Russians...I mean...Cardassians.

1 - The Inner Light + Lessons



and



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The Inner Light is the best episode ever. So effing good. Seriously. Lessons isn't as good, but it builds on The Inner Light, and Picard falls in love.

Look forward to future guests posts by this author. Next up: The Top Ten Star Trek: Voyager episodes everyone should see.

Read, Kindly Light...