FREAKY-DEAKY MUPPET DISCO!

Sorry, folks, for the obvious lack of postage. I've been tryin' to be more "responsible" this last week, tryin' to get one of those coveted "J-O-B's" or whatever. But you know me: I always put responsibility on the back-burner for crazy muppet musical numbers.





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"The Informant" Trailer: From the guy who directed Ocean's 11, 12, *AND* 13!

This is likely Steven Soderbergh's pitch for this film:

"It's like Matt Damon, only less suave, intelligent, and killer-like, more bumbling, corn-obsessed, and mustachey!"

It was either that or

Corn? Corn? Corn?!?

COOOOOOOOOOOOORRRN!!!@!!@1!1!!1

(And that's a pitch I'd act on.)

Well, it looks pretty good. I especially like that Joel McHale & Tony Hale (The host of 'The Soup' & Buster Bluth, respectively) are part of the supporting cast. I love those guys & wish they'd get more roles in film & television.

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"Daybreakers" Trailer: Now Even Vampires Are Going Corporate...

...and werewolves are still the struggling small business owners you know and trust. Support your local monster community!

Aaanyways, I'm sure someone out there (a certain Norwegian, say) is probably at this very moment wondering to himself something like, "Hmm, what's with all these vampire posts? I mean, is there a REASON for them, or is Tyler just some kinda psycho fangbanger? I mean he whines aaaalllll day about Twilight and "ooOooooOoOoohhh glittery glitter boy!" and blah blah blah etc. etc., but he keeeeeps on keepin' on postin' 'em."

Well, let me just cirsumvrent that rude question(s) entirely and instead pose to you another question(s), a hypethical one(s): "If vampires were to take over the world and nearly eradicate the entire human race, do you think Sam Neil would be their poster child? And do you think Willem Dafoe would be the badass with a crossbow ready to lay down some heavy slayage on the bloodsuckers' pale and global doushebaggery? And, well, do you think that Ethan Hawke actually deserves to be in another movie, I guess in appreciation of...um, uh, um...Gattaca?"

If your answer to these questions - er, "hypothetical questions" - was "yes", then you need to watch the trailer for "Daybreakers", which I have conveniently placed below for your viewing pleasure.

Okay, all kidding aside, this movie actually looks pretty flippin' awesome. Mostly because vampires are PURE EVIL, and this flick seems to acknowledge it for the most part. Plus Willem Dafoe and Sam Neil are friggin' perfect for their roles. And Ethan Hawke? Well, he actually looks pretty alright. Now that's saying something!
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It's Official: "Heroes" is COMPLETELY unsalvageable, and there is *NO* reason on God's green earth why you should ever watch it ever again. EVER.

...As if you didn't know that already half-way through Season 3.)

But I'm getting ahead of myself. I'm sure someone out there (probably not a very bright someone, or maybe just a Norwegian someone) must be asking, "Why, Tyler? Why is it that you think Heroes is sooooo bad? I mean, I kinda like it."

Well, Jan, I'll tell you.

The reason why Heroes now sucks AND blows is this:

BRYAN FULLER, by far the best writer on the show, the one who wrote such amazing episodes as "Company Man" for Cris'sakes (sorry, Jesus), the ONE and ONLY hope for "Heroes", the 1 guy who might have actually pulled it off, who might have actually *SALVAGED* this poor, sorry wreck of a superhero TV series, has just EXITED STAGE LEFT!!!!!!!!!!!!

And now for the progression of my emoticon reaction:

:>|

:>/

:>(
>:>(
>:>{
>:>O

(Okay, this really happened 3 days ago, but nothing I ever report is actually "New new" News)

Oh, but not to worry, folks! Greg Grunberg, AKA Matt Parkman, AKA Officer Donuts, AKA The Turtle Whisperer, reassures us with these brief but eloquent words:

...The scripts for season 4 and the stories we're about to tell will ROCK YOUR WORLD. BEST. SEASON. EVER.

Well, that's a relief.

But wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. WAIT A MINUTE, folks! Greggy has actually sent us in a little preview, a little sneak peak at the Heroes season 4 premiere! The clip is kinda confusing, so I might need to sort it all out for you before you give it a watch.

-HERE BE SPOILERS!-
In the near future, Sylar has again abandoned his quest to win the Guiness world record for most brains eaten by a non-Fiji-Islander to enjoy the simple pleasures of family life. In this scene, Sylar is walking his "dog", Noah (who's really a shapeshifted HRG!!!!), with his two new best friends and life-partners, Butcher Boy and T-Bone (T-Bone's the guy with the awesome mystical magical Steak-morphing powers). And then...Noah goes nuts and Sylar loses his sunglasses and then....well...then.....um, then, then things just get a little out of hand.



P.S. Jan, I think you're very intelligent, and only slightly Norwegian. But you should have given up on Heroes a LONG long time ago...
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"THE LAST AIRBENDER" TEASER TRAILER!!!!!1!!@@!1!!!!1@!!!!!!!@!!!!!!!1!!!!1!!!!!!!1

This post title deserved WAY more exclamation points than the admittedly !!!-worthy Buffy/Twilight youtube mashup. I'm pretty sure this more than makes up for M. Night Shyamalan's recent mediocrity. In point of fact, it is so awesome that I am going to break my Vow of No F-Bombs.

Everybody! Everybody! Look, look! It's AVA-fucking-TAR!!!


I was so worried this was gonna end up being just another cra-ra-raaaappy little anime adaptation, but this trailer put aside all worries. I mean, this trailer made me swoooon. *Twice.* (once for faithful adaption of Ang's cute little blue arrow tattoo on his forehead, and once again for the faithful adaptation of the Fire Nation's awesome iron ships and their fire-y bombardment!)

Seriously, if you haven't watched the cartoon, go slit your wrists. Afterwards, go rent the DVDs. Then watch this trailer again, and tell me you're not as jazzed, excited, AND psyched as I am.


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Oh NOES! Not Edward! EDWAAAAARD!!!

This is an amazazazazing youtubey mashup.

(Buffy vs. Douchebag AKA Edward Cullen)


Little Buffy Summers' often annoying "Girl Power" thing has never seemed more right and righteous and awesome than at this very moment.



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