THE LAST POST OF C&C

I'm afraid I've lied to you. I have abandoned this blog.
However, I have not abandoned blogging.

Read all about it HERE.
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I'd just like to say 3 things VERY QUICKLY...

...

1. No. I have not abandoned this blog.

2. I have finally finished Season 5 of Lost.

And 3. My next post will be titled something along the lines of "THE TOP 10 REASONS WHY LOST NOW SUUUUUCKS..."

That is all.




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Guilty Pleasures

I know that everyone has guilty pleasures. I want to talk about TV shows in particular. Ya know, those TV shows that you hate to admit you watch? That you deny having ever seen? These range from the Oh-there’s-nothing-else-so-I’ll-watch-this-and-laugh-at-it to the I-can’t-wait-til-everyone-leaves-so-I-can-catch-up-on-this-show.

So I’m going to focus on the shameful enjoyments of my TV life. I’m leaving out two major categories, Kids’ Shows and Infomercials. I omit these because I’m not ashamed to say that I still love some of the shows I used to watch as a youngin’, and infomercials are designed to suck you in and watch them. Now, moving on…..


Kinsey’s Top 5 Shameful, Guilty TV Show Pleasures

America’s Next Top Model / Make Me a Supermodel
The two shows are similar, so I’ve grouped them together, but I maintain that they are different. ANTM seems to focus on all the cat fights and the drama between all the girls who have to live together. This is addicting to me for pure oh-my-word-did-she-just-do-that reasons. Girls are hilarious to watch when they get angry and moody and bitchy. MMAS is addicting for me because there are guys and girls (hellooo pretty boys….) and more intriguing photo shoots, with less in-house drama.

7th Heaven
Yes. It gets bad. I remember watching this with my mom. Sigh….This show is cheesy, laughably bad. Yet oddly memorizing. It’s hard not to laugh when Mary trashed a gym, Matt was caught with a joint, Simon had to drop off a baby, and Lucy was just being bitchy. A major question that has always weighed on my mind though, was Ruthie. She has very olive skin and very curly hair, in a family that looks like it belongs in an Ivory soap commercial. I’ve always maintained she was adopted, or Annie slept with the milkman.

Bridezillas
My sister and I watch this and are always shocked by some of the behavior. There are brides who frequently “fire” their wedding party, go on outrageous shopping sprees, and make excessive demands. It’s interesting to really see how some women turn into monsters as their day draws near, turning into a giant, soul-sucking creature who just makes you wonder why anyone would want to marry them.

Project Runway
I’m not very fashion-forward. No matter how many magazines I read or TV shows I watch, I just don’t care. But this show amazes me for two reasons: That people are so creative as to design and sew outfits from thin air, and then all their hard work gets ripped apart by the judges. It’s a very simple formula for me. Combine something that I could never do (like sewing an outfit in a day) with harsh criticism and it’s a winner. Plus the fantastic Heidi Klum, who always brightens the screen with her smile and German.

Gilmore Girls
It’s entertaining, ok? As it progressed and got more and more soap-operaish, I couldn’t watch it. At least not without feeling ashamedly girly (which I would refuse to be, by the way). But all the trivial references to countless books and movies and bands were always interesting to figure out. And I have now found that in Family Guy, so that part of my life is complete. But the two Gilmore Girls had that these-would-be-perfect-best-friends quality that made it engrossing to watch and follow along.

OK, so mine were probably more girlish than many of the readers here. And these are far from my favorite TV shows, these are just the most guilty indulgences that I can think of. The ones that I am ashamed to admit, humiliated to acknowledge, and ashamed to write.

So what are your’s?
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Harry Potter & Japanese girls are both very pettable.

It doesn't matter whether or not you like the Harry Potter books or movies. If you are a human being, you are required by Natural Law to like this video & find it hilarious & adorable.


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Will Ferrell's "Sexy Hot Tan" Sunscreen

Wanna know the funniest part?

It's REAL.

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The Best Thing Ever...

Conor Oberst,

M. Ward,

& Jim James of My Morning Jacket

are all coming together to make

A SUPERGROUP ALBUM PRODUCED BY MIKE MOGIS CALLED

"M O N S T E R S O F F O L K",

aaaaaaaaaaaand

Now you can download

their 1st single,

"Say Please",

HERE!

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FREAKY-DEAKY MUPPET DISCO!

Sorry, folks, for the obvious lack of postage. I've been tryin' to be more "responsible" this last week, tryin' to get one of those coveted "J-O-B's" or whatever. But you know me: I always put responsibility on the back-burner for crazy muppet musical numbers.





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LIBERTY, JUSTICE, & FREEDOM FOR ALL.

--And Cordelia Chase draped in the Stars & Stripes. *sniff*. It's just so.....beautiful!

God bless America, and have a happy 4th o' July!

Now then: go destroy some tea shipments or something.

That is all.

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"The Informant" Trailer: From the guy who directed Ocean's 11, 12, *AND* 13!

This is likely Steven Soderbergh's pitch for this film:

"It's like Matt Damon, only less suave, intelligent, and killer-like, more bumbling, corn-obsessed, and mustachey!"

It was either that or

Corn? Corn? Corn?!?

COOOOOOOOOOOOORRRN!!!@!!@1!1!!1

(And that's a pitch I'd act on.)

Well, it looks pretty good. I especially like that Joel McHale & Tony Hale (The host of 'The Soup' & Buster Bluth, respectively) are part of the supporting cast. I love those guys & wish they'd get more roles in film & television.

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Local Amateur Plays Alongside Other No-Name Acts...

(click to enlarge)

Who is this 'Morrison' fellow and what makes him good enough to share my Christian name? Maybe it's his dashing good looks, or maybe it's how he plays a mean GIHtahr, or that perrrty voice & mad lyrical genius of his...........

.....Nah, it's gotta be his shamrock luck with the ladies.

[/shameless self-promotion]




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"Daybreakers" Trailer: Now Even Vampires Are Going Corporate...

...and werewolves are still the struggling small business owners you know and trust. Support your local monster community!

Aaanyways, I'm sure someone out there (a certain Norwegian, say) is probably at this very moment wondering to himself something like, "Hmm, what's with all these vampire posts? I mean, is there a REASON for them, or is Tyler just some kinda psycho fangbanger? I mean he whines aaaalllll day about Twilight and "ooOooooOoOoohhh glittery glitter boy!" and blah blah blah etc. etc., but he keeeeeps on keepin' on postin' 'em."

Well, let me just cirsumvrent that rude question(s) entirely and instead pose to you another question(s), a hypethical one(s): "If vampires were to take over the world and nearly eradicate the entire human race, do you think Sam Neil would be their poster child? And do you think Willem Dafoe would be the badass with a crossbow ready to lay down some heavy slayage on the bloodsuckers' pale and global doushebaggery? And, well, do you think that Ethan Hawke actually deserves to be in another movie, I guess in appreciation of...um, uh, um...Gattaca?"

If your answer to these questions - er, "hypothetical questions" - was "yes", then you need to watch the trailer for "Daybreakers", which I have conveniently placed below for your viewing pleasure.

Okay, all kidding aside, this movie actually looks pretty flippin' awesome. Mostly because vampires are PURE EVIL, and this flick seems to acknowledge it for the most part. Plus Willem Dafoe and Sam Neil are friggin' perfect for their roles. And Ethan Hawke? Well, he actually looks pretty alright. Now that's saying something!
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It's Official: "Heroes" is COMPLETELY unsalvageable, and there is *NO* reason on God's green earth why you should ever watch it ever again. EVER.

...As if you didn't know that already half-way through Season 3.)

But I'm getting ahead of myself. I'm sure someone out there (probably not a very bright someone, or maybe just a Norwegian someone) must be asking, "Why, Tyler? Why is it that you think Heroes is sooooo bad? I mean, I kinda like it."

Well, Jan, I'll tell you.

The reason why Heroes now sucks AND blows is this:

BRYAN FULLER, by far the best writer on the show, the one who wrote such amazing episodes as "Company Man" for Cris'sakes (sorry, Jesus), the ONE and ONLY hope for "Heroes", the 1 guy who might have actually pulled it off, who might have actually *SALVAGED* this poor, sorry wreck of a superhero TV series, has just EXITED STAGE LEFT!!!!!!!!!!!!

And now for the progression of my emoticon reaction:

:>|

:>/

:>(
>:>(
>:>{
>:>O

(Okay, this really happened 3 days ago, but nothing I ever report is actually "New new" News)

Oh, but not to worry, folks! Greg Grunberg, AKA Matt Parkman, AKA Officer Donuts, AKA The Turtle Whisperer, reassures us with these brief but eloquent words:

...The scripts for season 4 and the stories we're about to tell will ROCK YOUR WORLD. BEST. SEASON. EVER.

Well, that's a relief.

But wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. WAIT A MINUTE, folks! Greggy has actually sent us in a little preview, a little sneak peak at the Heroes season 4 premiere! The clip is kinda confusing, so I might need to sort it all out for you before you give it a watch.

-HERE BE SPOILERS!-
In the near future, Sylar has again abandoned his quest to win the Guiness world record for most brains eaten by a non-Fiji-Islander to enjoy the simple pleasures of family life. In this scene, Sylar is walking his "dog", Noah (who's really a shapeshifted HRG!!!!), with his two new best friends and life-partners, Butcher Boy and T-Bone (T-Bone's the guy with the awesome mystical magical Steak-morphing powers). And then...Noah goes nuts and Sylar loses his sunglasses and then....well...then.....um, then, then things just get a little out of hand.



P.S. Jan, I think you're very intelligent, and only slightly Norwegian. But you should have given up on Heroes a LONG long time ago...
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