THE LAST POST OF C&C

I'm afraid I've lied to you. I have abandoned this blog.
However, I have not abandoned blogging.

Read all about it HERE.
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I'd just like to say 3 things VERY QUICKLY...

...

1. No. I have not abandoned this blog.

2. I have finally finished Season 5 of Lost.

And 3. My next post will be titled something along the lines of "THE TOP 10 REASONS WHY LOST NOW SUUUUUCKS..."

That is all.




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Guilty Pleasures

I know that everyone has guilty pleasures. I want to talk about TV shows in particular. Ya know, those TV shows that you hate to admit you watch? That you deny having ever seen? These range from the Oh-there’s-nothing-else-so-I’ll-watch-this-and-laugh-at-it to the I-can’t-wait-til-everyone-leaves-so-I-can-catch-up-on-this-show.

So I’m going to focus on the shameful enjoyments of my TV life. I’m leaving out two major categories, Kids’ Shows and Infomercials. I omit these because I’m not ashamed to say that I still love some of the shows I used to watch as a youngin’, and infomercials are designed to suck you in and watch them. Now, moving on…..


Kinsey’s Top 5 Shameful, Guilty TV Show Pleasures

America’s Next Top Model / Make Me a Supermodel
The two shows are similar, so I’ve grouped them together, but I maintain that they are different. ANTM seems to focus on all the cat fights and the drama between all the girls who have to live together. This is addicting to me for pure oh-my-word-did-she-just-do-that reasons. Girls are hilarious to watch when they get angry and moody and bitchy. MMAS is addicting for me because there are guys and girls (hellooo pretty boys….) and more intriguing photo shoots, with less in-house drama.

7th Heaven
Yes. It gets bad. I remember watching this with my mom. Sigh….This show is cheesy, laughably bad. Yet oddly memorizing. It’s hard not to laugh when Mary trashed a gym, Matt was caught with a joint, Simon had to drop off a baby, and Lucy was just being bitchy. A major question that has always weighed on my mind though, was Ruthie. She has very olive skin and very curly hair, in a family that looks like it belongs in an Ivory soap commercial. I’ve always maintained she was adopted, or Annie slept with the milkman.

Bridezillas
My sister and I watch this and are always shocked by some of the behavior. There are brides who frequently “fire” their wedding party, go on outrageous shopping sprees, and make excessive demands. It’s interesting to really see how some women turn into monsters as their day draws near, turning into a giant, soul-sucking creature who just makes you wonder why anyone would want to marry them.

Project Runway
I’m not very fashion-forward. No matter how many magazines I read or TV shows I watch, I just don’t care. But this show amazes me for two reasons: That people are so creative as to design and sew outfits from thin air, and then all their hard work gets ripped apart by the judges. It’s a very simple formula for me. Combine something that I could never do (like sewing an outfit in a day) with harsh criticism and it’s a winner. Plus the fantastic Heidi Klum, who always brightens the screen with her smile and German.

Gilmore Girls
It’s entertaining, ok? As it progressed and got more and more soap-operaish, I couldn’t watch it. At least not without feeling ashamedly girly (which I would refuse to be, by the way). But all the trivial references to countless books and movies and bands were always interesting to figure out. And I have now found that in Family Guy, so that part of my life is complete. But the two Gilmore Girls had that these-would-be-perfect-best-friends quality that made it engrossing to watch and follow along.

OK, so mine were probably more girlish than many of the readers here. And these are far from my favorite TV shows, these are just the most guilty indulgences that I can think of. The ones that I am ashamed to admit, humiliated to acknowledge, and ashamed to write.

So what are your’s?
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Harry Potter & Japanese girls are both very pettable.

It doesn't matter whether or not you like the Harry Potter books or movies. If you are a human being, you are required by Natural Law to like this video & find it hilarious & adorable.


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Will Ferrell's "Sexy Hot Tan" Sunscreen

Wanna know the funniest part?

It's REAL.

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The Best Thing Ever...

Conor Oberst,

M. Ward,

& Jim James of My Morning Jacket

are all coming together to make

A SUPERGROUP ALBUM PRODUCED BY MIKE MOGIS CALLED

"M O N S T E R S O F F O L K",

aaaaaaaaaaaand

Now you can download

their 1st single,

"Say Please",

HERE!

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FREAKY-DEAKY MUPPET DISCO!

Sorry, folks, for the obvious lack of postage. I've been tryin' to be more "responsible" this last week, tryin' to get one of those coveted "J-O-B's" or whatever. But you know me: I always put responsibility on the back-burner for crazy muppet musical numbers.





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LIBERTY, JUSTICE, & FREEDOM FOR ALL.

--And Cordelia Chase draped in the Stars & Stripes. *sniff*. It's just so.....beautiful!

God bless America, and have a happy 4th o' July!

Now then: go destroy some tea shipments or something.

That is all.

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"The Informant" Trailer: From the guy who directed Ocean's 11, 12, *AND* 13!

This is likely Steven Soderbergh's pitch for this film:

"It's like Matt Damon, only less suave, intelligent, and killer-like, more bumbling, corn-obsessed, and mustachey!"

It was either that or

Corn? Corn? Corn?!?

COOOOOOOOOOOOORRRN!!!@!!@1!1!!1

(And that's a pitch I'd act on.)

Well, it looks pretty good. I especially like that Joel McHale & Tony Hale (The host of 'The Soup' & Buster Bluth, respectively) are part of the supporting cast. I love those guys & wish they'd get more roles in film & television.

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Local Amateur Plays Alongside Other No-Name Acts...

(click to enlarge)

Who is this 'Morrison' fellow and what makes him good enough to share my Christian name? Maybe it's his dashing good looks, or maybe it's how he plays a mean GIHtahr, or that perrrty voice & mad lyrical genius of his...........

.....Nah, it's gotta be his shamrock luck with the ladies.

[/shameless self-promotion]




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"Daybreakers" Trailer: Now Even Vampires Are Going Corporate...

...and werewolves are still the struggling small business owners you know and trust. Support your local monster community!

Aaanyways, I'm sure someone out there (a certain Norwegian, say) is probably at this very moment wondering to himself something like, "Hmm, what's with all these vampire posts? I mean, is there a REASON for them, or is Tyler just some kinda psycho fangbanger? I mean he whines aaaalllll day about Twilight and "ooOooooOoOoohhh glittery glitter boy!" and blah blah blah etc. etc., but he keeeeeps on keepin' on postin' 'em."

Well, let me just cirsumvrent that rude question(s) entirely and instead pose to you another question(s), a hypethical one(s): "If vampires were to take over the world and nearly eradicate the entire human race, do you think Sam Neil would be their poster child? And do you think Willem Dafoe would be the badass with a crossbow ready to lay down some heavy slayage on the bloodsuckers' pale and global doushebaggery? And, well, do you think that Ethan Hawke actually deserves to be in another movie, I guess in appreciation of...um, uh, um...Gattaca?"

If your answer to these questions - er, "hypothetical questions" - was "yes", then you need to watch the trailer for "Daybreakers", which I have conveniently placed below for your viewing pleasure.

Okay, all kidding aside, this movie actually looks pretty flippin' awesome. Mostly because vampires are PURE EVIL, and this flick seems to acknowledge it for the most part. Plus Willem Dafoe and Sam Neil are friggin' perfect for their roles. And Ethan Hawke? Well, he actually looks pretty alright. Now that's saying something!
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It's Official: "Heroes" is COMPLETELY unsalvageable, and there is *NO* reason on God's green earth why you should ever watch it ever again. EVER.

...As if you didn't know that already half-way through Season 3.)

But I'm getting ahead of myself. I'm sure someone out there (probably not a very bright someone, or maybe just a Norwegian someone) must be asking, "Why, Tyler? Why is it that you think Heroes is sooooo bad? I mean, I kinda like it."

Well, Jan, I'll tell you.

The reason why Heroes now sucks AND blows is this:

BRYAN FULLER, by far the best writer on the show, the one who wrote such amazing episodes as "Company Man" for Cris'sakes (sorry, Jesus), the ONE and ONLY hope for "Heroes", the 1 guy who might have actually pulled it off, who might have actually *SALVAGED* this poor, sorry wreck of a superhero TV series, has just EXITED STAGE LEFT!!!!!!!!!!!!

And now for the progression of my emoticon reaction:

:>|

:>/

:>(
>:>(
>:>{
>:>O

(Okay, this really happened 3 days ago, but nothing I ever report is actually "New new" News)

Oh, but not to worry, folks! Greg Grunberg, AKA Matt Parkman, AKA Officer Donuts, AKA The Turtle Whisperer, reassures us with these brief but eloquent words:

...The scripts for season 4 and the stories we're about to tell will ROCK YOUR WORLD. BEST. SEASON. EVER.

Well, that's a relief.

But wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. WAIT A MINUTE, folks! Greggy has actually sent us in a little preview, a little sneak peak at the Heroes season 4 premiere! The clip is kinda confusing, so I might need to sort it all out for you before you give it a watch.

-HERE BE SPOILERS!-
In the near future, Sylar has again abandoned his quest to win the Guiness world record for most brains eaten by a non-Fiji-Islander to enjoy the simple pleasures of family life. In this scene, Sylar is walking his "dog", Noah (who's really a shapeshifted HRG!!!!), with his two new best friends and life-partners, Butcher Boy and T-Bone (T-Bone's the guy with the awesome mystical magical Steak-morphing powers). And then...Noah goes nuts and Sylar loses his sunglasses and then....well...then.....um, then, then things just get a little out of hand.



P.S. Jan, I think you're very intelligent, and only slightly Norwegian. But you should have given up on Heroes a LONG long time ago...
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"THE LAST AIRBENDER" TEASER TRAILER!!!!!1!!@@!1!!!!1@!!!!!!!@!!!!!!!1!!!!1!!!!!!!1

This post title deserved WAY more exclamation points than the admittedly !!!-worthy Buffy/Twilight youtube mashup. I'm pretty sure this more than makes up for M. Night Shyamalan's recent mediocrity. In point of fact, it is so awesome that I am going to break my Vow of No F-Bombs.

Everybody! Everybody! Look, look! It's AVA-fucking-TAR!!!


I was so worried this was gonna end up being just another cra-ra-raaaappy little anime adaptation, but this trailer put aside all worries. I mean, this trailer made me swoooon. *Twice.* (once for faithful adaption of Ang's cute little blue arrow tattoo on his forehead, and once again for the faithful adaptation of the Fire Nation's awesome iron ships and their fire-y bombardment!)

Seriously, if you haven't watched the cartoon, go slit your wrists. Afterwards, go rent the DVDs. Then watch this trailer again, and tell me you're not as jazzed, excited, AND psyched as I am.


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Oh NOES! Not Edward! EDWAAAAARD!!!

This is an amazazazazing youtubey mashup.

(Buffy vs. Douchebag AKA Edward Cullen)


Little Buffy Summers' often annoying "Girl Power" thing has never seemed more right and righteous and awesome than at this very moment.



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Guest Post: Top 5 Beautiful Actresses Who Star in Bad Movies

After reading several similar lists in this vast internet space, I want to submit my own opinion on some select actresses. So, I want to first stat that looks aren’t everything for movie actresses. Some beautiful women have such continuing bad taste (or bad agents) that I want to gag every time I hear one of their new movies is coming out. So I present the Top 5 Beautiful Actresses Who Star in Bad Movies list. This is my opinion, and there are always exceptions, but the actresses who seem to be repeat offenders are as follows:

#5: Jessica Biel
Ah . . . Mary Camden. You were in The Illusionist, which I give mad props for, but that doesn’t make up for everything else. Summer Catch? Texas Chainsaw Massacre? I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry? And—it needs to be said—you’ll always be little Mary Camden from 7th Heaven to some. I just can’t take you seriously when I remember you living with your 20 other siblings, trashing the gym or something. Sorry, but your movie choices haven’t done much to turn you from a hot, athletic babe to a legit actress.

#4: Jessica Simpson
First, I guess I’m using the term “actress” loosely. You can pretty much mention all her movies and they would fall into the bad movie category. Major Movie Star, Blonde Ambition, Employee of the Month, and Dukes of Hazzard are not an acting career, they’re the desperate attempt to cling onto reality-show fame.

#3: Jennifer Lopez
Miss J. Lo has been in too many stinkers to redeem herself. She was great in Selena, and apparently Monster-in-Law was a mild hit—but that cannot make up for such movies like Anaconda, Angel Eyes, and Enough. And do I need to mention Gigli (seriously, you can’t even pronounce that!) or Jersey Girl? She is beautiful, she made curves hot, but her movie choices have been bad enough to make me want to kick her back to her block.

#2: Eva Mendes
Eva . . . you poor thing. You began your poor choice in film with Children of the Corn V. Then you moved on to Urban Legends: Final Cut, All About the Benjamins, 2 Fast 2 Furious, Stuck on You, Ghost Rider, and Cleaner. Those are a lot of bad movies. There were a couple hits along the way: Training Day, (remember her as someone’s girl? Or something equally minor?) Hitch, and The Wendell Baker Story. But these just aren’t enough. Hey, I didn’t invent math—7 bad movies versus 3, maybe 4 good ones? Numbers don’t lie; you need to make better choices. Oh, and The Spirit!? Make that 8 bad movie choices. Tsk tsk. Go pose nude again or something.

#1 Jessica Alba
Let’s see . . . Dark Angel. Honey. Fantastic Four. Sin City. Into The Blue. Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer. Awake. The Eye. And, of course, The Love Guru. Not much to redeem you, poor Jessica, except your looks. And—it needs to be said—you’re a mother. I can’t help but now wonder what your daughter would think to know her mom once played a stripper. To think that my mom might have been a hottie with a body is enough to make me ill.
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Guest Post: ‘Go Out and Party Like It’s 1999,’ An Outdated Movie Review

When Tyler asked me to contribute to his blog I was simultaneously flattered and terrified: flattered that he thinks enough of my opinions to include them, terrified that I might be incapable of saying anything interesting to anyone but me. I must admit, I am rarely up-to-date on any subject, entertainment being no exception. I try to read current books but have a hard time finding anything that interests me, so I generally wait for recommendations from friends who stay on top of things; I’m better about webcomics.

I do watch some currently-airing TV shows, but as I usually watch them on hulu.com in between nursing sessions with my three-month-old daughter, even there I am perpetually a few steps behind the rest of the world. The only show I watch religiously as it airs is Craig Ferguson (which Tyler covers more than amply already), and even that will be taken from me with the grand ‘switch to digital’ (I own a digital TV but our apartment complex doesn’t get good reception); I will be reduced to desperately scouring Youtube for clips. Oh, the degredation. All this is by way of saying that I am not going to write about anything new, because I almost never find out about anything new until it is no longer new to anyone but me. I also hate writing reviews.

Anyway, my husband and I have a Netflix account (I could spend an entire post extolling Netflix, but I won’t) and I have decided that this summer is all about Asian cinema. Let me pause for a moment here to allow for snide comments from the peanut gallery regarding manga/manwha, anime, crazy Japanese porn and/or pop music. Take it away, JH and K.

Pause.

(.....................................)

Okay. Instead of going in all directions, let’s talk Zhang Yimou. Most everybody has seen ‘Hero,’ ‘House of Flying Daggers,’ and ‘Curse of the Golden Flower,’ but before you go lumping all of this man’s films into one big ‘Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon’ lump, let me point out that first of all, Ang Lee directed that movie, and second that there is much more to Zhang’s film repertoire than (admittedly awesome) fighting. I haven’t watched everything yet (my queue on Netflix has about 250 movies of all kinds in quite a jumbled order), but I’ve seen enough to form an opinon, and that opinion is: get off your ass and rent ‘The Road Home.’

I liked ‘Shanghai Triad’ pretty well (I think this film was a let-down for me on account of thirteen years’ worth of anticipation; I remember seeing a preview for it when I was about 10 years old and being fascinated by Gong Li), and enjoyed ‘The Story of Qiu Ju’ very much (I recommend it as well), but this movie blew me away. I haven’t read any critics’ reviews of it, and I don’t have to. I don’t need Roger Ebert to tell me that I ought to like this movie because the style and the cinematography and political undertones are blah, blah, blah… I’m not a film snob. I don’t know about film-snobbish things, and I don’t really care about them. I appreciate shit blowing up as much as the next person. I simply enjoy a good story, and I am more than willing to put up with subtitles if I’m going to get one. (Even if you can’t stand subtitles, this one is worth the pain.) I don’t even know how to begin to write a review of this that will convince you to watch this movie, but here goes:

‘The Road Home’ (1999) is very simple, very tender (not saccharine), and almost reverent story. What is it about? It begins and ends with views of a road, and the title includes the word ‘road,’ so I think one can safely assume that this film is about a road—a very specific Road, in fact, one which leads to a tiny Chinese village. There are two overlapping storylines in the film, one present, one past. The present, filmed in black-and-white, is this: a man’s father has died so he returns to his hometown, where he learns that his stubborn, grieving mother wishes that her husband, the village schoolteacher for forty years, be honored with an old, outdated custom: that his casket be carried by the men of the village down the well-worn road to his place of burial while his friends shout out to him; in this way his spirit might always be able to find its way home. This presents a problem for a village short on men, especially considering that the story takes place in winter in an especially harsh climate. While attempting to find a solution to this problem, the narrator tells, in vivid color, the story of the past and of his parents’ courtship: a love that takes place along that same road, a love beginning when the then-young schoolteacher follows it to an unfamiliar village where a beautiful girl in pigtail braids and a red coat sees him for the first time, a love growing as she shyly follows him down it, day after day, from a distance when he walks his students home, as she finally, in a moment of sheer feminine wilyness, ‘accidentally’ leaves the basket behind for him to pick up and return to her, a love tested when he is called away and she first chases him down it and then waits for him along it, a love fulfilled when he returns to her faithfully as promised. The end of the movie returns to the present, but I won’t spoil that for you. It’s not a shocking plot-twister, but it is better seen than told about.

I was surprised by this movie. It’s not fast-paced, and large periods have little-to-no dialogue, but it doesn’t drag at all—I never even once looked at the clock (this happens to me a lot when watching movies that bore me). The romance isn’t very exciting, but is moving nonetheless. It feels genuine. I think actually that might be a good word to describe the whole movie: it’s genuine, very heartfelt, (again) very reverent. I actually sat down and watched it again, which I never do except with ‘Strictly Ballroom.’ I read that this was Zhang Ziyi’s first movie—that, too, was surprising. She is excellent... and whatever magic Zhang Yimou employs to film as beautifully as he does is well worth it; everything is gorgeous. The movie is gorgeous. If I haven’t convinced you to go see this movie yet, then I will instead command you: go forth and watch ‘The Road Home.’ I don’t know yet if it’s Zhang Yimou’s best film since I haven’t seen them all, but I’ve definitely marked it on my list of favorite movies.

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It's An Animation Celebration! (sorry...)

I saw a documentary a few weeks ago called The Pixar Story (available on Instant Netflix). In an interview with Bob Iger (the new CEO of Disney and Michael Eisner’s replacement) he spoke about the troubles Disney has had the past ten years or so.

There's more...

While it is true Eisner presided over the production of some of the best work the Walt Disney Company has ever done, beginning around 1994 he began slowly driving the company into the ground. Eisner is responsible for the departure of Jeffrey Katzenberg (who left to found Dreamworks), the shift of Disney’s focus to The Disney Channel (i.e., Lizzie McGuire, Even Stevens, Hannah Montana, etc.), and, as Roy E. Disney (Walt Disney’s nephew) said upon his resignation, the devolution of Disney into a “rapacious, soul-less” company.

In the interview, Iger recounted how shortly after he took over, during the Main Street Parade at Disney World, he realized which floats were getting the loudest cheers. They were the classic Disney films like Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, and Pinocchio and the classic modern films like Beauty & the Beast, The Little Mermaid, and The Lion King.

The difference between these and some of the not-so-classic Disney features like Pocahontas, Hercules, and Lilo & Stitch, it seemed to Iger, was quite simply the story-telling. Where Eisner had decided to end all production of traditional animation in favor of Pixar-style 3D, Iger realized the reason Pixar had been trouncing Disney at the box office from the beginning wasn’t the animation style, but that they knew how to create good characters and tell good stories.

Iger said that this epiphany is in fact what led him to end the Eisner-instigated Disney/Pixar feud and effectively merge the two companies, putting Pixar in charge of Disney’s creative side, and the current Disney people in charge of the marketing and business side.

Iger has it exactly right. I think (at least subconsciously) we all recognize the two great eras in animation—the First and Second Golden Ages. The first includes the great early Disney features:

Tell me as you looked through each of those pictures your heart didn't swell.

Disney's work from Snow White in 1937 through Sleeping Beauty in 1957 (or perhaps One Hundred and One Dalmations in 1961) was the best it ever did. This First Golden Age of Animation was not limited to feature-length films, however. This is also the age of Looney Tunes and Tom & Jerry.

From 1957 forward Disney did good work, but it wasn't quite the same caliber as what had come before (perhaps due to Walt Disney's death in 1966). This era saw the release of The Sword in the Stone, The Jungle Book, The Aristocats, Robin Hood, The Rescuers, The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh, The Fox and the Hound, The Black Cauldron, The Great Mouse Detective, The Brave Little Toaster, and Oliver & Company.

I know some of you are screaming at the computer screen right now. Many of these are near and dear to my heart as well, but I think it is safe to say that, on the whole, they don't carry the weight of a Cinderella or a Bambi.

But we said there are two Golden Ages. In 1989 Disney released The Little Mermaid, beginning a new series of classics:

Earlier we said that it was around The Lion King's release in 1994 that Eisner began the downward spiral--the features got progressively worse: A Goofy Movie, Pocahontas, The Hunchback of Notre Dame, Hercules, Mulan, Tarzan, Dinosaur, The Emperor's New Groove, Atlantis, Lilo & Stitch, Treasure Planet, Brother Bear, Home on the Range, Chicken Little, Meet the Robinsons.

Granted, a couple of these don't quite count as they're in 3D and a couple are pretty good, but it's the trend that's important. It's no wonder Eisner decided to focus on The Disney Channel, direct-to-DVD sequels, and merchandise. All I can say is thank God Pixar has taken over.

But, of course, like the First Golden Age, the Second was not limited to the big screen either. The late 80s and 90s saw the best cartoons for television ever produced. It is these that we will consider in the upcoming sequel to this post: "Saturday Morning Classics".

Thank you all for allowing Cowtown & Coolage's Chief Star Trek Correspondant this chance to branch out.

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Felicia Day acts like a retarded person on camera.

I found this hilarious little youtube video of Felicia Day, one of Joss Whedon's many acting groupies, testing out some wiiesque interactive remote-free videogame-thingymajig called "Natal" for the Xbox 360.

The game itself is not all that important.

What IS important is this: Felicia Day looks like she is psychotically kicking and swatting at invisible flies and spiders. It looks like she's being attacked by a whole host of unseen critters. Or maybe she's just having a playful imaginary catfight. I dunno.

Okay, granted, Felicia Day is a lovely and talented actress, I liked her a lot in Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog. And granted, whatever this "Natal" business is received a lot of hype and good reviews at E3 and actually looks kinda cool.

Again, that's not important.

What IS important is this: You MUST completely mute the volume on your computer to experience the full hilarity of this short little video. Then just watch her. Ignore the silly game in the background. Don't think about what she's actually doing. Just WATCH.

Seriously, guys. It's cute. It's adorable. It's ROFL. It's priceless.

(Felicia Day acts like a retarded person on camera)




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Oh, LaBamba!

Conan admits that his studio backdrop was totally stolen from Super Mario Brothers.





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A Song Of Ice & Fire ... via SOUTH PARK.

This, my friends, is all kinds of awesome.

GRRM's NOT A BLOG: "A Change of Plans'






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